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AM i gay or bi?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by xxAngelOnFirexx, Mar 4, 2007.

  1. xxAngelOnFirexx

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    I'm a girl who i'm pretty sure that i like girls and i kinda like guys. I had a boyfriend and we kissed and it felt weird to me. i know it may have been the first kiss thing where it's strnage no matter what but i think that it's something deeper. i think guys are attractive and girls are attractive but i am much more intrested in kissing (never have) girls and doing otehr sexual activites with girls (later in life i'm too young yet) but i do not have this same intrest with guys. when i go to the mall i check out girls and guys. since i just came out as bi to myself this summer and gay to myself recently i'm very confused on what i really am or could this just be a 'phase' as i've been told to those i confided in. i wouldn't mind being gay in the end, in fact i'm proud of it. but i am going crazy trying to decide my sexuality. i briefly had a girlfriend and loved it, but we didn't get beyond hand holding and hugging. but with her it just felt 'right'. being with my ex-boyfriend felt 'normal'. i guess i'm just used to being 'normal' so i still check out guys, but i'm only interested with having a girlfriend. i just want to be 'friends only' with guys. please help me. i'm so unconfortable with myself not knowing who to like.
     
  2. Micah

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    Well if you have no sexual desire for a girl, how does it differ from a really close friendship? I'm not saying it doesn't differ at all - I'm just curious on your view of it.

    I think you just need to explore it a little further. I think anything is going to click just talking about it. Think about the situation yourself.

    Some things to consider though:

    I check out girls even though I'm gay Im still rather impressed when I see a stunning girl - doesn't mean i want a relationship with her tho.

    You kissed your ex boyfriend but not your ex girlfriend. Maybe the problem is that you just werent used to kissing? The only thing I can suggest is to kiss a girl and see if its the same for you. Who knows? Maybe you'll find that kissing girls will feel "weird" for you.

    Funnily enough, kissing a boy for me the first time felt weird. Kissing a girl felt good. There are so many more things contributing to your feelings than just your sexuality. Remember you may have been nervous about your first kiss so it felt weird. You might have been questioning your sexuality so you felt bad? You might have been wondering what he was thinking?

    Also remember that you'll probably feel more comfortable or "right" with a girl at your age (I'll assume you're young), since you're a girl and you know how they think.

    Guys are a different story, so its something new/different. It's only natural to feel more comfortable with a "similar girl" than a "different guy".

    Basically - don't feel you need to rush it. Take your time. Chillax a little. Enjoy the freedom to be whoever you decide to be - cause at the end of the day that's whats going to make you happy.
     
  3. xxAngelOnFirexx

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    well i'm sexually attracted to girls and would like a relationship with them and i am attracted to guys physically but i would only like them as friends. i can see myself kissing a guy but i am not interesting in going any farther than that. but i can see myself going farther with a girl. i'm only 15 so i'm really to young to be trying anything beyond kissing right now anyways, but i do think about it. i am sorta nervous around guys but not around girls. i'd flirt with both but i don't know if a girl is gay/bi or not. i have crushes on girls at my school (it's an all girl school) and i would like a relationmship with them too. so i'm pretty sure that i'm gay but i'm unsure as if i'm bi.
     
  4. konfused612

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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I know exactly how you feel. I myself have asked this question many times. I guess I should probably tell you a little about my past.

    During my first year in college I got my first girl friend (Rosie). At this point in my life I wasn't out to myself at all. I knew I was attracted to guys, but somehow convinced myself that I was straight. Anyway, I really enjoyed kissing Rosie. As we started going further, I enjoyed our sexual activities less. The problem was that I was still lying to myself about how I felt. After enough time, I started to be a bit more honest with myself. I finally told her that I was questioning my sexual orientation, though at this point we'd been going out for about four months. Rosie was very open-minded and supportive. Still, even after all of this I had a hard time telling her exactly how I was feeling. We eventually broke up (mutually). It was getting quite stressful for the both of us, and I clearly need some time to myself to think.

    It was now the start of my second year in college. I spent the next several months getting used to the idea that I was gay. It took some time, but I eventually got used to it. At that time, I viewed myself as gay, and I thought my feelings towards women were created by a desire to be straight (not physical feelings). While I was starting to come out to myself, I was still in the closet to everyone else.

    Then winter came around. Towards the end of the semester, we have a "formal" Waltz. I was at pre-waltz party with a friend, and a few of his friends who I didn't know as well. Little did I know at the time, I was getting set up with one of his female friends (Caitlin). During this pre-party, Caitlin and I chatted a bit, and I enjoyed her company. I was pretty slow, but eventually during the Waltz I realized what was going on. For a moment, I wanted to get out (since I thought of myself as gay). I don't know what it was, but I realized I was really enjoying myself and that I should just continue to do what felt right, regardless of what I thought my orientation was. As the night went on, we ended up kissing (and making out). It was an amazing night. In just that one night I felt much more attracted to Caitlin than I had to Rosie, probably because I was being much more honest with myself than I’d ever been with Rosie. Perhaps it was also because we were only kissing (which I enjoyed with Rosie, though not to the same extent).

    We sort of “went out” for two weeks. I kept telling myself I’d tell her about my sexual confusion, but never got a chance. Before winter break, she ended up breaking up with me. She didn’t think she’d have the time for a relationship the following semester cause of her hectic academic load (and judging from the two week, I couldn’t help agree).

    Nothing can compare to the confusion I felt after this time. I had though I was straight; then I thought I was gay. Now I knew neither was right. I have now spent over a year questioning if I’m gay or bi. I know I have strong sexual feelings for guys; I’m confused about my feelings for women.

    I’m now in my third year of college and am finally out to one of my friends back home :icon_bigg (but Rosie is the only one at college that knows). I’d like to see how I feel with a guy, but I don’t know any of the gay guys on campus. I feel the first step in the process is coming out, and then it will be easier to meet gay guys. I’m hoping to come out to a friend at college soon.

    So that’s my story. Sorry, I guess that’s more than “a little”. It was nice to get this out in words.

    Anyway, I can’t answer your question. Hopefully I can offer a little comfort in the fact that you aren’t the only one out there confused about their sexual orientation. If I have learned anything from this, it is the importance of honesty. Be honest to yourself about how you feel. I don’t believe that you’ll be able to answer this question solely by yourself. I have only developed a better understanding of my sexual orientation while I’ve been with someone else. If you end up in a relationship with someone else, be honest with him or her. If your not, it can end up hurting both of you.

    -Chris
     
  5. xxAngelOnFirexx

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    well i've decided that since i really like my ex-boyfriend and i enjoying going out with him as well as going out with my ex-girlfriend that i am bi.