It's taken me a loooooooooooooooooooong time (3 years) to come to terms with the fact that yes, I do like girls too. To me, there seems to be a stereotype of lesbian/bisexual people not being feminine and often rather large or butch. I am tall and overweight and dont want to fit that stereotype, so I'm terrified about telling anyone. Anyway, what I want help with is: Ergh. Turmoil inside. If you are in love with someone, do you tell them? This is a girl, by the way, a friend. What if you're not interested in sex? How do I explain that? I want everything in a relationship but sex. That includes both genders. I can't just not see her again because I'm afraid of awkwardness. That would mean ditching nearly every one of my friends without telling them a reason. I don't want everyone to know I'm bi. I could never look my friends in the face again. Yet, I want to be honest with them too. Maybe I should just tell her and get it over with to save the inner turmoil Thanks in advance if you've replied.
Well first of all congratulations on accepting yourself It's the first step afterall. I'd seriously recommend that you read this guide http://emptyclosets.com/forum/showthread.php?t=7. Even though you're not interested in coming out at the moment, it has a lot of information with building confidence of your sexuality through support. I actually can relate to a lot of what you're saying. When I finally realised I was gay, I kind of fit the stereotype (I had lots of female friends, well groomed etc) and the one thing that I didnt want to do was come out to people and automatically be thrown into the category of mindless bimbos who hang out with their girlfriends while rooting guys on the side for a bit of fun. And of course I didnt want ANYONE to know I was gay. How could I handle them knowing? What would they think? How could I face them? etc etc. I wish I could say theres something you can do to instantly feel proud of your sexuality, but it's something that develops with time. Some of the things you can do to build your confidence are -Confide in your friends -Confide in your family -Make other friends who are gay/bi/lesbian who are going through, or have gone through what you're going through. The problem is in most cases those options involve coming out to someone. It's difficult - but try telling a close friend/family member who you can trust. Maybe test the water first by talking about gay issues, and see their reactions. Once you're confidence is your sexuality builds, you find that the whole stereotype that comes with it doesn't matter nearly as much. For me, confidence is my sexuality led to confidence in myself as a person. I know that I'm my own person. Sure, if you saw me you'd think I was the ditzy male version of Paris Hilton (figuratively of course), but those who take the few minutes to actually have a conversation with me soon realise I'm a little deeper than that. The point is that I'm confident that those people that bother to get to know me are the ones who's opinion I care about regardless. So what if someone you dont know automatically puts you into the "butch lesbian" category? But that confidence in who you are is also something that takes time and support. Hopefully you get that
So you don't want sex right now. No biggie. There's no harm in being up-front about that. And although I can not speculate how your friend may take it, I have never passed an opportunity to tell someone I love them. Life's just too darn short to not.
