Let me say this about myself first. I am very charismatic, socially inclined, friends with everyone, just that guy that everyone loves. I was Homecoming King all that jazz so I am not socially awkward at all. While I was in grades 5-10 I never really thought about girls or guys. As far as I was concerned I was asexual, which led many people to believe I was just gay. Yeah every now and then I would see girls and guys and think, "Hey he/she is attractive" but nothing major. It wasn't until 11th grade that I really began to question my sexuality. I was dual enrolled so no longer hanging out with highschooler's but the local Community College crowd (mostly party animals taking one or two classes a semester so that they could keep living at home). I started smoking pot a lot and my libido was raging at this point. I was attracted to both guys and girls, but guys more than girls. I went through the stage of denial and never told a soul. My freshman year in college (after moving hundreds of miles away from home) I started experimenting with psychedelics (mainly shrooms and occasionally LSD). While on shrooms one day I had this horrifying moment of realization that turned into euphoria and after that experience I decided I would accept myself for who I really was and try to experiment with guys. At that point in my life I had never been intimate with another person (male or female) so I hit Craigslist and found a random hookup. I can't really remember how I felt about it but it was the only time I'd ever been intimate with another person so in my mind it was nice. I went back into my Asexual state and didn't talk to anyone for another year and then this girl Alexis happened. Literally fell in love with her overnight and was obsessed. We hooked up a few times (never intercourse) and it was nice. Alexis transferred to Rutgers after a month of knowing her and that was the end of that. So now at 21 years old I am on my 3rd fling with a guy except this time I'm really not into it. I hooked up with him because I find him visually attractive but I'm never satisfied with the physical. I've realized that I don't actually enjoy being with men. I'm not sure whether I like men or women. I really enjoy being with women and the whole idea of being in a relationship with them, yet at the same time I have this undeniable visual attraction to men but I don't like being with them. It's confusing as hell. Help me am I gay or not? Am I just Asexual? I just want to be happy and in a relationship! Any advice is good will be appreciated. Much love.
You sound like you were bicurious, but not anymore. You sound straight to me. Just let your feelings take the best of you. -Goodluck!
Hi there. I strongly agree with TheSoleOne, and I'd like to explain it from my perspective: Everyone wants to know what they are. This is one of the most primal struggles in life. However, people tend to fall down because they use definitions and labels created by other people. Think about the people who created the labels: homosexuals, bixsexual, transexual etc etc. I don't dispute these, but where they thinking about you specifically when they created these terms? The answer can only be no. They had no idea you would exist. So how can they possibly account for you, your exact conditions? What does this all mean? If you label yourself, then your label should be your own name. Nothing more, nothing less. Be patient, and allow yourself time to discover what you want. You don't need to fit in any boxes. You are an individual and you are unique. The creation of defined boxes and roles is one of the most destructive methods of social control ever inflicted upon us. You've done nothing wrong, yet you feel utterly confused because you don't fit into categories created by people who are probably dead now. So, take your time, be calm, and find comfort in who you are. It sounds like you have a lot going for you - and that's great. This is what you should focus on. All the best
You say you fell in love with a woman, so I doubt you're gay. But does it really matter? Just do what feels right and enjoy yourself. If you do, I'm sure it'll bring more clarity to your situation.
First, welcome to EC. You're definintely in the right place to think and talk about this sort of thing. So let's look specifically at what is and is not working for you. -- You talked about the sexual experiences you've had with men (sounds like 3 men, total) and said that with this guy you've never been "into it". So what was it like with the other two? In other words, to get graphic, what worked and what didn't? Did you find it emotionally enjoyable/exhilarating? If you were topping/bottoming, was it intensely pleasurable? Somewhat pleasurable? Not exciting? How would you compare the orgasms to when you masturbate, or to orgasms you've had with women? Sex between men can be a little more complicated than with women, and, particularly when bottoming, take more time to relax enough to be able to really enjoy. Also helpful is to know what you are thinking about when masturbating without porn... do your thoughts go toward imagining women, or men, or both? Finally, the act of having sex is only one piece of the puzzle. Without the emotional connection attached to it, there isn't a whole lot of difference to orgasming from masturbation, and I think that's something a lot of people miss when trying to determine their sexual orientation.
