Coming out to family...

I'm not sure if I can help you. But I would like to try.

Mother:
As I grow older, my relationship with my mother has gotten a lot better. Things were said in the past on both sides that made both of us say some pretty nasty and mean things.
From speaking with friends and my older brothers, there is an aspect of being a parent which you just can't understand until you actually are one.
You want the absolute best for your child, and nothing else will do. Yes, I agree it's 'best' from the perspective of the parent, but please don't begrudge the underlying intent.

Coming out is terrifying. I'm not gay, but just reading the threads here tells me just how scary it is. But, 'coming out' means that it involves other people, and because other people care for you, they will have reactions too. She probably feels like a failure right now, but just as you analyse the situation from your perspective - she will analyse it from hers. It takes time to be able to see another person's views.

Some people struggle to come to terms with their own orientation. For others it is just something they've always known. Please understand that it's something that can take time to understand and eventually accept. Any dramatic change to 'the plan' can be an upset.

Sisters:
Like you, I am insanely close with my brothers. To the point that I saw my eldest brother as a father figure equally to my actual dad.
I do not know how old your sisters are...but when kids are at school, bravado and fitting in are part and parcel of growing up. People can often chill out when they get older.
I remember being very young and thinking that smoking was THE cardinal sin. Then I found out my eldest brother smoked and that kind of changed.
In my opinion, perhaps it is not the best time to tell them. And yes, whilst they are your sisters, you have your own unique identity. In short, there are somethings which are your business alone

Father:
Why not tell your father? You have to be the judge as to whether you can, but all the signs say that he'll be supportive. And right now, the support of your dad will be worth far more than anything you'll get from anywhere else.

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So can you not come out to various members of your family at different times, and when you're ready?
I'm guessing you don't have to tell them all at once. It's your business, you share it with who you want to.

If your post is long...what the heck is mine? xD

Anyway, I hoped I could help - and if not, just know that there's one friendly person out there who tried.

Best of luck.

 

I can only help you in an esoteric way, but perhaps the underlying psychology is similar.

Essentially you're worried that you might get a bad reaction. Perfectly natural. Perfectly understandable.

I've taken a lot of exams in my life. A lot of exams.

I have passed exams with flying colours, and I have failed exam.

In my experience, the worst part of exams was waiting for results. The sickening feeling of 'limbo'. What if this? What if that? These thoughts are insidious, they invade your mind uninvited.

One thing I found with myself is that...I tended to feel much better once I found out the results. Even if I had failed, and my parents totally went crazy on my ass, I still had something solid, something concrete to deal with. It felt better than not knowing. It's easier to face a giant than an enemy you can't see or recognize.

In your case, it really sounds like you have a higher chance of 'passing' with your father than anyone else in your immediate family.

Ask yourself, even if he isn't happy, will he reject you? Will he hurt you? Will he disown you? Will it be a reaction so bad that it makes life unbearable?

The fact of the matter is, coming out or not doesn't change who or what you are. And if you cannot live truthfully, then this will just eat you away. A bit morbid, but I'd rather be shot in the head than burned alive.

I look around at the threads on this forum, and there's one consistent pattern with members who came out later in life:

"I wish I came out earlier, was honest with myself and didn't waste time."

Don't rush it. But don't miss out on life due to fear of the unknown.

 

When I first started planning how to come out to people besides my closest two friends, the exact same thought of waiting crossed my mind. I remember talking to my best friend and saying that I could wait two years, and she helped me to figure out when to come out to who. Luckily, she helped me realize I didn't actually want to wait that long. I'm a super anxious person and I love putting off things I'm scared of (although, who doesn't?)

Coming out to your dad first sounds like a great idea. If he seems like he'll be okay, and it sounds like he will be, then that's yet another person you can go to if you need help or support. Maybe he can help you tell or figure out how to tell your sisters.

I was worried about chickening out before telling my dad, so I decided to write him a letter (that I had him read when he was out with my own sister/brother in law). I printed it off, and then I knew once I gave the envelope to him, I couldn't back out!