Hey EC! I hope this isn't too long, but I hope someone can help me I normally don't start threads, but I need some help on this one. Recently I met a cool guy and we started dating. I have a good feeling about him and things are getting better each day, but there's a problem. See, most of my close family knows...except for 1 person. My sister. I have 2 sisters, and I told the other one last year during a health scare. I didn't plan it, but now she knows. So now that I'm faced with the possibility of a long term relationship I think its time to open the doors and tell the very last person I know, my sister. Now the thing is, I was never good at coming out. I could tell stories of it but needless to say...I'm not very "smooth" Also, I don't see my sister all that often. She works and when she's not working she's still busy. She lives on the other side of the city so going to see her is kind of difficult since free time is rare for me these days. So I thought I might tell her over the phone, or even over an email...but I'm not sure. I've heard that coming out to a loved one over the phone or letter is very impersonal, especially for a sister who I'm close to. And I'm also afraid of the fact that everyone else has known for at least a year now and she doesn't. I never meant it to be that way, but I was afraid. I hope you guys can understand that feeling. So my question is this: Do you think coming out over the phone or email is ok? Do any of you have any success stories? Or should I bite the bullet and make the long trek to the other side of the city and do it in person? I would have to put in for time off...(yes that's how busy life is at the moment) Any help and advice is greatly appreciated! Thanks EC!
I believe it doesn't matter. I have always felt strange about coming out in writing to someone you live with, but for some people it works OK. I came out to my sister in email. We hardly see each other lately and I didn't want to listen to 'discomfited' silence during a phone call. It went well. Good luck
I came out to my dad by typing him a letter that I then printed off and stuck in an envelope. With my permission, he read it when he was with his girlfriend as well as my sister and her husband. I sometimes feel a little bad that I didn't tell them in person, but I'm better at writing than speaking. Writing emails/letters also gives you an opportunity to fine-tune what you say to make the impact as easy to handle as possible. I worked on that letter almost every day for two weeks before I printed it off!
I think a big part of it depends on how you think she will react. If you think she will react negatively I would tell her through an email or a letter. If not, then in person is probably better. Of course, I'm not out at all yet to anyone so I may not be the best source for advice, however, I have thought a lot about how I would go about telling someone. Good luck whichever way you decide! -Max
Thank you Nick and Jencat And Mr Bubbles, I don't think she will react negatively...but it will be a huge shock. Over the years and recently, she's been asking when I will get a girlfriend...or trying to give me hints on how to dress or how to act to get women. So either she guesses I'm gay and wants confirmation...or she actually doesn't know and wants me to get on with my life and find someone. Both are plausible. I'm thinking email, since I know she has one and sending her a letter might take longer than expected. But anymore advice is always welcome
For a family member in the same town, I would do it in person, even if she lives in Redlands and you live in Ventura. It is a one time thing and worth the effort to do it face to face. She may want to give you a big hug.
