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Mormon Family- Should I Come Out?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Shamash, Oct 29, 2013.

  1. Shamash

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    So, hello. I'm a new member here. I live in the United States, and I am 13 years old. I realized I was gay right about when I realized I was atheist- around a year ago. The thing is, almost my entire extended family is Mormon. (For those who don't know, Mormonism is a rather cultish and devout sect of Christianity.)

    I have no trouble coming out to people anymore. I'm not nervous telling other kids at school. I'm just unsure whether or not I should tell my parents- and if so, whether or not I should tell them I'm an atheist. Or would it be best to tell them one then the other? Or one without the other? I'm in a tough time right now, and it would be really great to get some support.

    Thank you for reading this.
     
  2. Sully

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    It's generally best to look at the circumstances you're in.

    I assume you're financially dependent on them? If there's a risk of them kicking you out, maybe leave it for a few years.
     
  3. Chip

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    Hard to make a blanket recommendation without knowing your parents, how devout they are, and what their other attitudes are.

    At worst, Mormon families are known for sending their kids to "straight camps" which never work and often end up scarring their kids for life psychologically. Some of these "straight camps" are outside the US, in third world countries, where rules for basic human decency and safety don't apply or are not enforced. Not a good thing.

    At best, they might be fine with it.

    If it were me, I'd probably not tell them unless I was pretty certain they wouldn't go crazy and send me off somewhere... which they'd be well within their legal rights to do. I'd also be cautious who else I tell, out of concern it would get back to them.

    I know that 5 years seems like an eternity right now, but it will go by faster than you can imagine, and even if you don't wait until you are 18, but older than you are now, the chances your parents will mess with you are that much less.

    On the other hand, if you're confident they won't condemn you and go crazy and send you off somewhere... then it's something to consider.
     
  4. seekingcalm

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    I'm with the others - it's difficult to give advice without knowing more about your family.

    If it helps, being Mormon doesn't necessarily mean being anti-gay. My extended family is all Mormon, most extremely devout, and both myself and one of my cousins have come out to the family and been fully accepted and loved. However, when one of my other cousins (the gay cousin's brother) wrote a letter telling his family that he was leaving the church since he no longer believed in the core teachings he received a lot of backlash.

    However, your family could be different from mine and since you are under 18 it is something you will really need to consider. Above all, be safe! Even if physical danger is not a problem you need to consider your mental and emotional well-being. You sound very mature and grounded for 13 so I think you'll make the right choice, whichever it is.
     
  5. blueberrymuffin

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    Mormons are (very slowly) coming around on this, so without knowing your parents it's impossible to say. At your age you might get more compassion as far as they won't write you off but they may also take action to force you into therapy or to see the priest every weekend or whatever. They could have a hard time just accepting that you're gay and leaving it at that. If there is some way for you to find out first without telling them, that might be best.

    On the atheist thing, i strongly recommend against that. Atheism/leaving the church i've heard is social suicide. Far more than being gay, that will signal to them that you're truly lost. I don't see the upside telling a theist that either. At best, you will disagree with them. To me, atheism is not an identity or at least suffocating secret like being gay. You can find other outlets for that or keep it at the back of your mind.
     
  6. Case

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    Hey, a lot of what the others are saying is true. You should probably see where your parents stand about the LGBT community. Also, you know them best and know when it would be the best to tell them

    I am actually Mormon. I've been a member since I was 11. I have become more inactive but that is due to personal reasons not the church. Now the Mormon church is one of those that stands against the LGBT community in trying to obtain equal rights to marry, which is one of the reasons I'm not fully active anymore. However, not all Mormons are the same. My mother is a very active member of the church but my dad is not and probab;y never will become a member. My brother dropped out of the church years ago and struggled with the law on a few occasions. My mother didn't disown him for not following standards and she isn't upset with me for speaking for the LGBT community and not being an active member anymore. It is true that some Mormon famillies are more...extreme, but in most they are just Christian people. I actually love that the Mormon church does do a lot of other good things and in general teaches some good core valves. They are good people, they just still live in the old ways still and not really changing with the world. Basically what I'm getting at is, don't be afraid to tell them because they are Mormon. Try to see what your parents think in general about the LGBT community. Whether they are super against it, don't like it, don't care, or support it in secret.

    If you feel that they won't accept it, you are dependent on them, and you may want to hold off on telling them.

    Same with being atheist. That is something that I would tell them in a separate conversation. i don't think you want to give them a heart attack :icon_wink

    I hope this helps some. Good luck and let us know how it goes :slight_smile:
     
  7. Aussir

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    I've heard some not so nice stuff about Mormons when someone goes on a "devious" path but since I'm not sure how much is true and how much is fantasy, I won't comment on it.

    Like others said, it's difficult to tell you what to do when we don't know how "hardline" your family is. You'll have to be the judge of that and decide if you want to tell them or not.

    All I can tell you is that personally, if I felt they wouldn't take it well I wouldn't tell them until I was independent and could live on my own somewhere else.
     
  8. Silver Sparrow

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    The main thing is keep yourself safe!
     
  9. Yossarian

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    For a Hollywood version of this kind of angst, there is a movie called "Latter Days" which you might enjoy watching, sometimes available on the free video sites as an upload and for sale or rent at the usual sources. If you are really an atheist (anti-religion) rather than an agnostic (indifferent to religion), this movie gives you some Morman family characters to dislike, and one to identify with. :lol: