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Coming out for the wrong reasons

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ChromeNerd, Oct 30, 2013.

  1. ChromeNerd

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    I want to come out, but I think it's for the wrong reasons. I'm ashamed of who I am, but I wouldn't mind coming out as a lesbian. I kind of feel like coming out as a lesbian will help me hide things I'm ashamed of. Most of the things I'm ashamed of have nothing to do with my sexuality.

    I can't really come out as a lesbian because I'm still not sure if I like guys or not. I have a feeling that I don't, but I often feel paranoid about falling in love with a guy after coming out. If the term queer was more mainstream I would come out as queer.

    I want a girlfriend, but I feel like no girl would want to date a freak like me. I also feel like I'm just not ready for a relationship. I don't even have friends right now. I've joined the gay straight alliance. They seem to be nice people.
     
  2. Nick07

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    *HUG* honey, you seem to be so confused...

    what about coming out as a questioning? Nothing bad about that. You definitely won't be the first or the last one.

    At 17, most prople have doubts about their lives and about who they are and who they want to become. That's perfectly ok. It's also ok to make mistakes and then try a different approach.
    You don't need to date anybody. There are a lot of people who started dating in their twenties or thirties.
     
  3. pinklov3ly

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    There's nothing to be ashamed of being a lesbian. It's like, saying you're ashamed of who you are because you are a particular race, have green eyes etc. If you're attracted to women then you were born that way, and if you find yourself attracted to men, as well then you were born that way. Trust me, I know its scary, but everything will be okay at the end of the day. I think you should come out whenever you're ready, there's no rush and I think you should give yourself time to figure things out.

    I knew that I liked women from a very early age, but I couldn't accept it. However, once I turned 17, I started opening up to a really good male friend of mine. He told that there was nothing to be ashamed of, but I was terrified. I thought being gay was my fault; somehow, I thought I had an influence on my attraction to girls, especially growing up. All of my closest friends were pretty girls and I was always overly excited about being in their presence. It was such an intense feeling, something I'd never felt being around boys.

    And too be honest, I didn't think I'd find someone who'd love me for who I am, but I have. There's someone out there for everyone, and I believe that you will find a girl who adores you. Also, before you decide to start dating, I think you need to work on being more confident. If you don't love yourself, then you will never believe that someone else is capable of loving you. Just hang in there and if you ever wanna talk, I'm here :slight_smile:
     
    #3 pinklov3ly, Oct 30, 2013
    Last edited: Oct 30, 2013
  4. lovely lesbian

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    Hugs for you Hun I no it is hard but you have nothing to be ashamed about if ur like guys then u like guys if u like girls then u like girls nothing wrong with either xx
     
  5. Rose27

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    Please don't call yourself a freak. Your not. Talk about those things that make you feel ashamed. Its not easy but it will help lessen their power over you. Speaking from experience and decades of silence.
    Hugs
    Rose
     
  6. ChromeNerd

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    I'm not actually that confused. I've been attracted to girls my whole life. I refuse to come out as questioning. The main reason I'm still confused is because of my OCD tendencies. I don't think my confusion has much to do with my sexuality itself.

    I sometimes feel like I'm attracted to guys, but I don't think the attraction is genuine. I only started felling "attracted" to guys when I was fourteen and no one believed me when I tried to come out. I started to worry about being straight and then I started to feel anxious when I looked at guys. Anxiety can feel a lot like attraction, so I interpreted my feelings as attraction.



    I'm not really ashamed of my sexuality. I kind of got over that when I was fourteen. I still don't feel completely comfortable with my sexuality, but I have other problems that are way worse. The stuff I'm most ashamed of is unrelated to my sexuality. A lot of that stuff is off topic.
     
  7. Have you thought about working with a therapist who specializes in OCD/anxiety as well as gay/lesbian issues? It sounds like not only is your sexuality getting you down but just life itself. I think it would be helpful for you to speak one on one with some kind of specialist.
     
  8. ChromeNerd

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    I've thought about that. I already have therapist. I don't have an official OCD diagnosis. I've talked to my therapist about OCD, but she just lumped in all my OCD symptoms with my other diagnosis.

    I have classic HOCD symptoms. I'm not straight so this confuses a lot of people. If you don't know what HOCD is google search it. I don't want to make my post too long.

    It seems like most people don't understand my struggles. The people on LGBT forums think I'm just a regular questioning teen. They never understand my OCD related issues. They just think that HOCD is denial.

    On OCD forums they do understand HOCD, but they mostly deal with straight people. Some people there think that I'm either straight or just dealing with regular sexuality issues. The OCD forums also tend to be less active.
     
  9. paris

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    I can relate to that because the same thing was bothering me. I'm also a person who just "needs to know" stuff so I felt that I need all the answers immediately. I went through a very difficult period because of that.
    Finally I realized that life is far from static, everything is evolving and that's okay.
    It's probably not the best example but it's like if I asked you how old are you. Five years ago you'd answer 12, today you'd say 17 and ten years from now 27. You can see that even though the answer is different it's always correct.
    What does it mean for me now is that regardless of what may happen in the future it's no lie when I say I'm a lesbian :icon_wink
     
  10. ChromeNerd

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    The main problem I have is distinguishing real attraction from false attraction. A lot of times I think I'm attracted to something, but I'm not. I once thought that I was attracted to my cat, but now I know that I wasn't. That was just a false attraction.