First of all, hi everybody I'm new here. I don't really consider myself straight or gay or bi, I don't like labels, I just go after things or people I like. I'm attracted to girls but since last year I have a straight guy crush. The problem is he is very confusing and insecure, I suppose. He's comfortable around me, I think. Sometimes I stare at him in class and he usually doesn't look away or at least immidiately. Sometimes I catch him staring at me and I don't look away, neither does he. For example, yesterday at school I knew he was looking at me. I looked right back at him and he didn't stop. We actually stared at each other for a couple of seconds. Getting touchy isn't a problem either. Sometimes I touch him 'accidentally' but he doesn't mind he doesn't move or something. Sometimes he touches me. Yesterday we were getting home after school and he was telling a story. It was him in the center, me and another girl. He tried to have our attention so he caught our hands but that wasn't really the case, I looked carefully and he was actually holding only my hand and the second I tried to get away he caught my hand again and he tried to put his fingers in between mine. This is all good and stuff, but... Sometimes he doesn't act like he usually does. These days, he got a fight with his bestfriend and when I went to him and asked him what was wrong he asked me why I was always going where he was going and stuff like that and told me to get away. Sometimes he gets really defensive and thinks that being different is a mental decease or something. I haven't told him that I have feelings for him. One day he acts cool and the next second he gets all defensive and stuff. He sometimes puts his hand on my shoulder, he comes by my place and sits around me, we talk, it's okay but I know he feels a little stressed and uncomfortable sometimes around me. Whenever I ask him whether he wants to go out with me he always says no. We don't hang out in same companies but still he always tries to find an excuse. When I try to chat with him we're cool for like 5 minutes and then he stops replying, he almost never tries to get in contact with me first but neither do I. We merely talk outside school. What am I supposed to do, I really like that guy but he gives me confusing signs. Please, help. :icon_sad:
Hey there, welcome to EC That's so cool to hear! Regarding the guy. In all honesty, I think he should be posting here and not you - because I reckon he has the issues. Some level of physical contact between guys is generally considered normal in Western culture - arm patting, hugs, eye contact. But the hand holding is a bit much in my opinion. It sounds to me like, he either has problems with who you are, or he has problems with admitting he might like you back. Probably the second if he talks to you and then suddenly gets uncomfortable. You won't know without asking him directly, and even then, there's a chance he could deny it...being in denial and all. I don't know how else to advise you. You sound incredibly mature, balanced and intelligent. He's the one that probably needs 'help'. Give him time and if you feel comfortable - talk to him about it. But don't be afraid to move onwards and upwards if you want to. All the best
Thank you for your quick response! In general he is a pretty insecure and confused person whether likes admitting it or not. Last year we had some serious issues but I regretted it and I asked for forgiveness and he said it's all cool. The problem is you can't really talk to him seriously, 2 or 3 minutes after a serious talk he gets nervous and he's like yolo and you know changing the subject, everything. I can certainly give him time, I'm sure a part of him fancies me in a way but I think I was too self-centered last year and he's afraid to realize I want for us to be friends now. His bestfriend is a cool but pretty stupid for his age, he always tries to be interesting with things that are super useless and stupid. He knows he'll have him by his side and I think he's afraid to jump into the deep waters for something new. It took me a couple of months to realize I like him, everything started last year before the summer but then I was abroad for 2 months and a half and everything died and when I saw him again I started to feel these things again this September. Maybe he's confused and it will take lots of time for him to really face the facts. He makes it hard for me, though, he wants to be close with me but whenever I ask him to go out or stuff like that he doesn't want to, I don't know why he refuses to get deeper. Maybe he wants for us to be school buddies and nothing more. Maybe he feels safe and secure around his friends.
