I'm 23 and not out to anyone. If I'm honest, I've barely admitted to myself that I'm gay! I've never had a relationship with either I guy or a girl, but I never had made any attempt to pretend to fancy guys. For this reason I think friends and family may possibly suspect I'm not straight?! Nothing has ever been said so I'm not entirely sure. I realise that as long as I have this secret I will be unlikely to meet someone and be happy. I am thinking of visiting one of my best friends in a few weeks and telling her if the timing feels right or conversation presents an opportunity. Since finishing university I have not seen her much but we used to talk about everything in each others lives, apart from my love life that is yet hers was the subject of hours of conversation. She asked me once if i had ever had a boyfriend and i just told her there was one boy once but it didn't last. Awkward and not true. I thought I was attracted to said boy around 5 years ago but nothing ever came of it. I went through I very low period last year when I was really struggling with the fact that I had still not come to terms with my sexuality. She would frequently ask me what was wrong and tell me that I could tell her anything. I told her at the time I needed to deal with some issues myself before sharing them with anyone. Then was not the time as it was round final exams but now maybe. The complicating factor with this particular friend is the fact that 3 years ago I was totally in love with her. Our friendship blossomed and my feelings grew as I fell for her. Now 3 years later I am totally over it and no longer feel attracted to her and value our friendship and want nothing more. She is straight and with much difficulty I forced myself to get over it. I can't help wondering though, how can I talk to her about my sexuality and how I came to realise my feelings for women? I can't let her know about how I felt for her and it might be difficult to explain without specific examples such as how I fell for her?!? Of course I have been attracted to other women and had similar feelings for a friend when I was 15 it's just my falling for her was the biggest factor in my realisation. What to do?!?
Well if you wish to talk to come out to your friend, you need to construct a little speech so you know what you want to say and in what order. Find where you want to begin (even the smallest start can work) and build your way up. Try to find a way to completely leave out your feelings for her, even if it may make your argument seem iffy. So long as you can at least make a plausible scenario, it could workout.
You don't need to say it was her, you can say it was another friend. But definitely write down what you want to say if you are nervous.
I'm sure preparation of what to say will help. But you do hear that friends and family tend to ask lots of questions when someone close comes out to them don't you?! I can't help but think it will be hard enough as it is without making up a scenario about a non existent friend! She knows about all my other friends really so is likely to spot if im lying i guess. Maybe I should try to somehow figure out how accepting she is of gay people before attempting to say anything anyway?
