Today I came home with a slip for my mother to sign. I'd joined a LGBTQ support group at school and I needed permission of some kind to continue going to meetings. Problem is that my mother wouldn't sign without me telling my father first. I haven't told my father and have kept the secret that I am gay from him for over two years. Since I knew that if I didn't do it now it probably wouldn't happen I told my mother I would come out to him tonight. Now I'm freaking out / panicking. I honestly don't know what to say, or how he'll react, or how to do it and come out to him. It's happening quickly, but I know it's better for me to do it this way because otherwise I might push it off even more. Still, I'm panicking and getting entirely stressed out. I need some ideas of what to say, but also ways to calm down before and during coming out to him... It would be good to get some responses soon because I'm literally coming out to him in two hours if I don't back out. :icon_sad:
I wish I could've calmed you down and give you the courage to just do it right away, but that isn't how we learn is it? BELIEVE in yourself. Believe that you can do it. Feel the moment, and jump! As I've read somewhere else, your brain makes it 10 times more scarier than what it actually is. Don't think about the future, and don't get stuck in negative thoughts. Be easy on yourself and have faith in yourself! And remember that the number one important thing here, is not that he just accepts it perfectly and you live happily every after, (because that's in fairytales) but that you get the message clear to your father. Let him in your heart, and give him time if he needs it. Don't think specifically about what to say to him. That will only make it harder. A good thing to do is make it spontaneous. If your mind is set on doing this in 2 hours, he WILL KNOW if something is up just by looking at your face. Make it spontaneous, listen to your heart and let it all out. MASSIVE good luck to you! What you're about to do is very hard, but just think about the rewards you will have later in life because you acted on it now and not 5, maybe 10 years later *big hug*
Don't plan exactly what you're going to say, it only makes it worse. What you want to do is think about your relation to your dad. Good or bad? This might better determine his reaction. Either way, you can't not tell him. Trust me. My mum and I have kept the secret of my being gay from my dad because he just has no filter on that mouth of his. I love him quite dearly, but he'll say what he thinks and his words could easily snap a soul in half. You just need to prepare yourself for what might come. Hope this helped. Good luck!
I hope it all went well with you coming out to your father i know its not an easy thing to do or say but after a while things do tend to get easier
Needing a signed permission slip for an LGBTQ alliance seems rather counterproductive, as a lot of the people who want to join may have similar problems to yours. Have you talked to the school about it? They may be able to make some kind of exception.
Best of luck! It's not easy at all, but saving it for later won't make it any easier, you can do it! Tell us how it went afterwards
I feel very bad now because I once again pushed off coming out to him. Since last night was Halloween and I spent the night writing essays my mother didn't make me come down and talk to him. She'll be expecting me to do it soon, though. She isn't taking back that she won't sign without me coming out to my father first. I'm probably going to have to come out in the next week or so. I might wait until after the next meeting in the support group, so I can talk about the situation and maybe get some feedback (you're allowed to attend three times without a permission slip). Thank you for your kind words and advice. I feel sort of stupid now that I didn't even come out like I was going to last night. Hopefully, in the very near future I'll actually make a post about coming out to my dad. ---------- Post added 1st Nov 2013 at 04:29 PM ---------- The permission slip needs to be signed because attending the group actually takes you out of class each Thursday; even if it's different classes because they're rotated, you're still missing class. And there's not that many in the LGBTQ group that are actually in my situation. Most have come out to both of their parental guardians (or one of them because some have parents that are split). I'm allowed to attend three times without permission, and if it comes to the point where my mother just won't sign I can find permission elsewhere. AKA I could have a counselor, teacher, or a friend's parent sign it as long as they could be considered a guardian. It's sort of a way around getting a parent signature if you haven't come out to them yet. The lead teacher of the group said they would accept it anyway. Though, I don't really want to do that. I feel like my mother - or my father, although that's unlikely - should sign it becuase I don't feel like lying and going behind their backs.
Don't feel stupid. It's entirely up to you and when you feel right. It's scary and I know this won't help - but sooner will ease your mind, at least it will give you answers either way.
