So I am terrified of coming out to anyone other than my best friend. I've been dating this guy for two years and he is straight. I have no idea how to explain this all to him without making him hate me. Any advice on this? It's driving me up the wall keeping this from him and I have no idea how to make him understand that this is who I am.
Well, Minnesota is both liberal and conservative, in a way. But how accepting is your boy-friend? Liberals are somewhat more likely to be accepting of transgender people, but there are conservatives (e.g. me, a moderate conservative/centrist) who support them, too. Do you plan on transitioning? Showing a person evidence can make a lot of difference (you could show him the medicine, should you choose to go on T). Could you provide some background info?
Well my boyfriend is accepting of people that are gay and bisexual, but as far as I know he would not be okay with my making the transition from female to male, considering that he only likes women and I know that dating a man would be out of the question for him. I do plan on transitioning, but I need to come out to my family as well.
He is probably not going to hate you, but it seems it would end the "boyfriend" relationship permanently. You might be able to retain him as a "bro friend" if you transition, but that seems like the best you could hope for. As to how you could explain this to him, it is the fact of what you are telling him, not the method you use, which is going to cause him problems, so there aren't a lot of ways to soften that blow. You might start by discussing the idea in general terms first, maybe giving him some reading materials about what it feels like to be gender mis-assigned, while you are still in your femme identity, then ask him nicely if you could still be friends if YOU were to make the transition yourself. Expecting him to still be your "lover" after transition seems unlikely at best, but that will be his decision much later in the process if he still thinks of you as a bro friend after you tell him. Straight doesn't necessarily mean homophobic, which you say he isn't, so it would seem that after dating and knowing you for 2 years, there must be some element of friendship and common interests there to build on.
Well I came out to my boyfriend..... Needless to say we're not dating anymore, but we are going to remain friends. After I told him we actually went out to dinner and just talked about normal stuff like we usually do. So that actually went really really well. He wasn't mad at me at all, it was just really strange for him.
Hope you are ok with the outcome! At the very least you still have a friend! And you have your friends here at EC.
