I am a 13 year old guy, who is currently dating (and has dated girls in the past) a girl, but I have never felt really comfortable whilst in a relationship with another girl. When I look at guys, I sometimes find them attractive, but a lot of the times I find it hard to find any girls attractive. So I've come to the conclusion that I am gay, but how do I tell people? They will think I'm rediculous because I've dated so many girls, because I wanted to try to find a girl that I'm comfortable with; I've even kissed a girl, and after dating for 2 months and kissing all the time I was still uncomfortable when we kissed. I just don't want to break up with the girl, eventually tell her I'm gay, and everyone else I'm gay, and then people don't take it seriously or think I'm a joke because I've dated so many girls. Help?
Maybe there's more to it than your post suggests, but it seems like concluding you're gay because you haven't been happy in your relationships with girls is a big conclusion. Would you consider romantically dating a guy? Do you want to be dating anyone of any gender right now? If I may be blunt here, who do you think about when you're masturbating? Ask yourself these questions as you're trying to figure yourself out. And, give yourself time to figure out who you are. I was about 13 when I realized I was more than just curious about boys while still also being interested in girls. It took time for me to realize that I was truly bi, and more time after that to be comfortable enough to start telling people. At your age, if you know your sexuality for sure then you know and that's fine, but if you don't know, don't force yourself into accepting a label. Hope this helps.
Well, if you are certain you are Gay, when you come out, you could just say that you were confused and was just dating girls for both a good time AND so it could help you find your Sexuality. They should understand. If you don't think they will, you could just tell a few close friends. But when it comes to dating a male, your boyfriend would help explain it to your friends. Good luck in the future.
Hi, and welcome to EC. I'd concur with biwinning that, unless there's more than what you've said, I think it might be advisable to explore yourself a little more before making the decision to come out. You've said you "sometimes find [boys] attractive, but a lot of the times I find it hard to find any girls attractive." So I think this needs a little more examination. Where do your eyes go when you're not really paying attention and you're at school / at the beach / at the mall / etc? Do you find yourself looking more at guys or at girls? If you have gym class, do you find yourself sneaking peeks at the guys in the locker room? When you masturbate, do you imagine yourself with another guy, another girl, or both? All of the above are more reliable indicators of where your sexual orientation lies than the "sometimes" and "not always" you've described above, so if you can answer the above, we can probably give you better advice.
Whilst masturbating, I tend to think about guys, and at school I find myself looking at other guys, so isn't that a big sign?
Hey, So yes, if your masturbation fantasies are mostly or always about guys, and if your eyes are wandering toward guys... then yes, it's a pretty safe bet you're gay. It's just that what you said initially wasn't nearly so resolute. So on to your question about what to do: It's a two-pronged thing, I think. First, there are *lots* of gay men who dated a bunch of women when they were young. That alone isn't weird at all. But the second part is more important. If you give any indication when breaking up that you're doing so because you're gay, I can all but guarantee you that the entire school will know within a day or two. Even if she promises not to tell, that sort of information, for someone 13 or 14, is just too "juicy" not to share with a best friend on a "Promise you won't tell anyone" arrangement... which, for people your age, hardly ever works. I do think staying in a relationship where you don't care about the person is sort of a crappy thing to do, but the alternative -- how to get out of it without being outed -- is complicated. How close are you to being ready to come out to people at your school? Our experience here is, while most people take some ribbing at first, these days, most people your age don't care that much who's gay. You're likely to get some people that will give you crap about it, but if you simply dish it right back, as in "You're a faggot." "Yes, and your point is?", they'll realize that there isn't much they can say to get a rise out of you, and so most of the time, they'll move on to an easier target.
