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I need some advice

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by nisomer, Apr 30, 2005.

  1. nisomer

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    Well, about 2 weeks ago I was accepted to go to the Aspen Music Festival, which is one of the toughest summer music school to be accepted by in the nation, it's supposedly the 'Julliard of the summer' because that is where many of the Julliard professors teach in the summer. I will be able to take lessons from the most widely known classical guitarist in the world--the winner of 2 oscars, Sharon Isbin. I should be happy right? I should be filled with joy. But see, that is the thing-- although I am not dissapointed or sad about it, I am not too overly excited. Everyone has been saying to me 'Congradulations!', or 'I'm so proud of you!', or 'I bet you're excited!' and all that stuff, and I usually just smile, say thank you, and pretend that I am excited and happy. I don't know what my problem is. I think the main thing is, I am scared. This will be the first time I'll be gone from my family for so long (1 month), will be the first time I will travel alone, and will be the first time I'll be put in a room with someone who is a total stranger for a whole month. So you could probably say it's like going to your first year of an out-of-state college.

    I have been really stressed out these past weeks thinking about all this and I guess one of the main reasons I am posting this is to just get my thoughts out to see what my problem is. But, I would also like some advice from you guys. What kind of suggestions do you guys have for dealing with all this stress? Also, I will not know anyone there except for one person, so what kind of advice would you have about meeting new people?

    Thanks a lot!
     
  2. Jordano

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    Hey nk1114 -

    This reminds me a lot of this year, my first year in college. Granted I only live 2 and half hours away from home and could go home on the weekends, but living in the dorms is still a complete change of atmosphere and if you'll be living there for a month then it'll be a lot like this.

    My advice, and these are things I did, is to call home or a close friend whenever you feel scared and just talk to them - they'll always be reassuring and know what to say. Eventually, you'll ween yourself off of them when you feel comfortable enough. But even after that its still nice to tell them how your days go.

    As far as having a roommate, thats a toughy because you dont know who you'll get, so youll have no preknowledge about them. But you will know that they're incredibly musically talented like yourself - from myself, a music geek to another: "congratulations , Im very impressed and jealous!! :eusa_clap" So with your roommate, start with the basics, a little about yourself, talk about music and such, and eventually the ice will be broken and at the end of each day youll feel comfortable around him.

    And for meeting new people, again - everyones there for the same reason you are - music, so theres bound to be something to talk about. And people say this all the time but it really does work - be yourself, play it cool :icon_cool , and dont try too hard. In most cases things just click and you'll feel it. Humor is a really great way to break the ice too.

    Something I dont advise is to seclude yourself from everyone, and if you're a really shy person, make an effort to meet at least one person you can relate to and talk to, even if it is your roommate.

    Wow - Im a rambler, but I hope this stuff helped, it sounds kinda corny but some of the things actually worked for me so I hope they'll help you! And again - WOW - good job, what an accomplishment!
     
  3. joeyconnick

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    Jordan's advice is all really good.

    I would try to look at it like an adventure and a controlled warm-up for when you do leave home, because chances are you will. Some people would kill for a month away from home doing something they really love. Not to say you should feel guilty for feeling trepidation but just look at it in a different light.

    Sometimes it can be really nice to get away from your life and be around people who don't know you, especially when you know you will be able to go back to your life at the end of the trip. A month will completely whiz by in that kind of intense environment and I would guess that as long as you do not completely "turtle," you will have no problem meeting people. Take it from someone who is finished school: school is like designed to make it easy to meet people because when you're there, first off a) very few people know each other and b) everyone has something in common. It's as easy as talking about an instrument or instructor with another student. If talking to them doesn't work out, you just move on to the next stranger. If you feel nervous that they will be judging you (which they most likely won't because chances are they'll be just as nervous as you are), then simply ask them about themselves, about how they got into the program, where they're from, what they like, etc. People rarely have trouble talking about themselves.

    I think probably the biggest thing is not to beat up on yourself. If you say something dumb, you say something dumb. EVERYONE does, and some people are bound to do it more than you do. Chances are, if you accept the fact that being scared is normal and remember that you will definitely not be the only one feeling that way, you will have a decent time, maybe even the best time of your life.

    For instance, there are totally going to be other gay people there. Some closeted, some out. Maybe you'll meet a cool gay friend; maybe you'll meet someone to come out to. Maybe you'll just appreciate having other people around who have gone through or are going through the same stuff you are.

    Being scared is completely normal. It's a huge thing if it's your first time away from home. But don't let that a) make you feel bad about yourself and b) spoil your opportunity. Just be scared... and don't let it stop you. All of life is very very scary, if you stop to think about it. The key is not stopping to think about it very much. *grin*
     
  4. goratrix

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    Wow that's great! I bet you are excited!! Congratulations!!! I'm so proud of you!!

    Sorry, couldn't resist. I think it's completely normal.

    Last year I went on an exchange program to Italy, I acted excited because of my parents. Although I didn't really feel the excitement. When I was there I was extremely happy, and I know it marked me for life (actually I think it was the first step of my coming out process).

    I wasn't going to be a few hours from home... it was across the sea, in a country that I didn't know, with people that I didn't know. Although I have a couple of aunts and cousins living there, I still was going to be away from my inmidiate family... and I hadn't seen those aunts in about 12 years.

    I was scared. Needless to say I was petrified by fear, so much that I couldn't even believe it.

    I had the best time of my life there, I met some pretty amazing people and I miss them all a lot. I am actually considering taking a vacation to go to australia, for I made wonderful friends in this exchange program, and some of them were australian.

    And some time before, a lot actually. The first time in about 8 years I was going to stay with my father. I lived in Buenos Aires, and my father in Asuncion (12 hours drive). And it's another country, and my mom didn't want me to go to my father's. When we finally convinced her (after about three years of constant arguing with my brother and her) it was surreal. I arrived to the airport and I didn't feel a thing. Only when I went back home I was able to process the whole thing, and It was amazing. I started to actually feel all the excitement AFTER the trip was over.

    So don't sweat it... It's entirely normal (or I am just as not-normal as you). I know you will have a wonderful time, specialy since you'll be doind someting you love. Fear is usually what blocks emotions, so It's normal that you are not all that excited... after all, it's the first time you'll be spending an entire month away from your family... your life.
     
  5. nisomer

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    Thanks a lot guys, I really apprieciate the feedback. It got me thinking more on the brighter side of things. I guess I sometimes tend to just look at the downside of things rather than the good.