Hi So, over the last, well, going on two years now, I've written and re-written my coming out letter to my mum. In the last few weeks, I've finally gotten to a place where I'm happy with it. Problem is, every time I try and give it to her, I chicken out. Sometimes it's because she's not feeling well and other times it's because there are people in the house and other times I just have panic attacks - like I did a few nights ago. After the panic attack, I called her and she came home and I was all ready to hand her the letter and everything but I just...couldn't. Any advice or tips on how I could possibly overcome the anxiety? Would talking be better? Or giving her the letter in person and then talking? :help:
Have you tried leaving the letter somewhere you know she will find it with the word MUM written on it in big letters? Post it to her? Ask a friend to give it to her? Throw it at her and run away? Try not to work yourself up about it. All you are doing is giving your mum a bit of paper. You don't need to tell her anything or explain WHY you are giving her the paper. All you are going to do is walk up to her and say "Here you go mum" and walk off. It sounds silly to break it down and it might still be difficult but if you try and stop yourself thinking "I'm handing mum this thing that tells her I'm (insert orientation here) and what if (insert list of horrible outcomes here!)" you might find it easier.
Thanks, that's helpful I think I just need to get out my head and stop over-analysing. I just keep going to the worst case scenario, you know?
I know how you feel! I had mine written for six months before I gave it to my parents. In the end I just left it somewhere they would find it with a post it note attached saying "read me". It's Hard to find the courage to actually leave it, knowing that they will read but it's definitely worth it in the end. Good luck! I hope everything turns out well for you!
That's a good idea. I think it would be less nerve-wracking than sitting with them as they read it anyway. Thanks for the advice!
A letter? I know you worked hard on it, but mum probably wants to hear it from your face. If you still prefer a letter, leave it in a place where you know she'll see, like by her keys, or her phone. Label it 'Dear Mum'.
It's just that I've always been able to better express myself through the written word than the spoken. I will talk to her after she's read the letter of course, the letter is just to start the conversation. Yeah, I'll either leave it somewhere she'll find it, or hand it to her directly.
Would it be easier to read the letter to your mum? You did say it was a conversation starter. Do you have a friend that could be with you for moral support? You might start by saying "Mum, I have something important to read to you..." I sent my letter by post. Mom and I had a short conversation a few days later but it took a few months before we really talked.
Yeah that could definitely be a way to do it. My friend has said that she'll be with me, my Mum thinks of her as a daughter too so to have both of us there, it might be easier for her and for me. The letter is about 3 pages long and I fear I may wax poetic a little bit (I am a writer:lol but I think it's just a more definitive way for me to come out. I'm a rambling, flustered mess when I try and explain things out loud:eusa_doh: Did the letter help ease into the conversation when you came out to your Mom?
I like the idea of writing a letter, maybe one day I will do that myself lol but honestly, if you are not 100% sure if you are bi or gay yet I personally wouldn't give the letter to your mom yet, that's just my thoughts. Good luck!
I'm in the same situation, I wrote a letter before i went on a lads holiday in August, left it on my bed and she never bloody saw it! Ever since ive been to much of a pussy Ive left it under my bed as like a.... i dunno reminder to myself. I'm thinking of writing another one cus the situation has changed :S
I get why you're feeling like that. It took guts to leave it out for her to see :eusa_clap and when she didn't, the stress couldn't of been good. I would recommend writing another that better fits your situation now and maybe pick a day when you're the only two in the house and leave it near the kettle or something? That way, she can sit down, have some tea and read it to herself and you won't be too far away, so you can have a conversation about it after if you want.
