Joined just to ask this, after reading multiple threads for a few months ;3 So, July 21st is the day i told my mother i was gay, it was so hard to do, i tried to tell her face to face but couldn't bring myself to do it because i can get my feeling out much easier with a keyboard or writing, so i texted her this "I've wanted to tell you for years, I've covered it up and hid it from myself and denied it, tried to change myself and that went on for years, but since a few months ago I haven't been able to hide it from myself any longer and I've learned to accept myself for who I really am. When you mentioned if I said I was gay outside you laughed a little, which broke my heart and made me want to ball, I have been raised homosexuality is a choice and a sin but I didn't choose this' I tried to change it, I can't, and I am honestly happy that I've finally accepted myself for who I am that's also the reason I left school, I needed away from social stigma to hear my own thoughts and my own feelings. Mom I am gay, I love you, I hope you accept me, and I know this took years for me to accept so please take your time and think about it. I've done so much research and everything. But now that I am not afraid to accept myself for who I am and what makes me happy I'd love to go back to school, to be honest I enjoyed school I lied so I could have time to reflect on myself with less stress. But I love you please respond on here, its much too hard to talk to you about it face to face yet... Please don't Hate me its. Extremely hard for me to tell you this knowing your views but I'm sick of living a lie" (switched to home-shooling, i wouldn't drop out ^-^) And she responded with this "Well I will always love you. You are still going through a lot of hormonal changes at this age to be absolutely Sure. There are a lot of programs were you can talk about these feelings. I don't know if school would help with this n you have to remember regardless your education is important n you are doing awesome with home school n if you are having these feelings public school may not be that great for support. No it is not something I agree with I will always be there for you. Don't ever fear coming to me. I may not always have a great first reaction but I am human" But, its been nearly four months and she hasn't brought it up since that night, she still points out girls and that night she said "please don't tell me you've closed yourself to women" is she still in denial, i feel like i need to talk to her about it but i don't know how to bring it up, I've been thinking about it for so long and i really need to let her know it's not a phase that will pass, at first i thought (and hoped) it was, but I've grown into it and i love the feeling of knowing who i really am. I guess the question of all of this is, How can i bring it up AGAIN to talk to her about it, or should i let it be and wait for her to bring it up? :help: (sorry its sorta long)
"please don't tell me you've closed yourself to women" Does that really sound like a woman who has accepted your sexuality? You told her you were gay, not bi, she has no reason to suspect you like girls still Just say, "Remember that text I sent you a while back?" (she will) "Got any thoughts on that?" Or the next time she points out a girl say "Uh mum, I'm gay! I told you this..."
I have the same relationship with my mother. She still thinks im going to "change my mind someday" and has asked me more than once if women will even be a remote option. I came out to her over 3 years ago and shes still doubtful about my sexuality. Recently shes gotten better and doesn't openly question me on it anymore. My dad on the other hand has remained silent on the topic with me and its been over 3 years In my case my mother still brings it up occasionally but I think you should just give her more time to accept it. You can't change your mothers views and I dont think it would help if you rushed her on your sexuality. Not talking about it may make you feel lonely but I feel it would be better to let time work rather than risking a strain on your relationship with your mother. Do you have friends you can talk to? talking to other gay people is (I feel) is so much more desirable than talking to my mother about homosexuality all the best to you and good luck
Hi there, and welcome to Empty Closets. Reading through your post, I think your mom is trying to understand it, and still coming to terms with your sexual orientation. She is still trying to adjust her dreams for you. Every parent has dreams for their child, and when these dreams don't match up with the reality, parents have to adjust them. This process can take a while, but I do think she is trying. I would say the next good opportunity to bring it up and to let her know that it isn't a phase is when she points out girls, or asks whether you still have interests in women. You have already written out what could be a really good answer: "Mom, it is not a phase that will pass. I love the feeling of knowing who I really am."
Rather than bring it up as a specific conversation, if you start dating other boys, she will probably get the message that you were serious, and gradually lose her hope that it was "just a phase" and be able to adjust her thinking to develop new expectations for you to replace the ones she previously had. In other words, it is not just what you "say" about yourself to her, but what you do to confirm this with your ongoing actions.
