HI, I've been struggling with my sexuality since I can remember. From my first gay experience (16) until last year I considered myself "curious" until finally last year I came out to myself and to some friends and family. I grew up in a very conservative small town, but I recently moved to a major metro area. In the last few months (almost a year) I've been slowly exploring my bisexuality. I used to think that my interest in men was only physical, but it is not and in fact I think I might be slightly more gay than straight, but I am still very attracted to women. When I moved to my new city I chose the local gay neighborhood, and I've been going to the local bars, clubs, cafes, etc. I've been out with a few guys in the last year, and I've loved it. I also met a guy I actually like. Yet I feel guilty as hell sometimes. Sometimes I find myself liking, saying or doing things that are stereotypical gay yet I don't do it on purpose (I am not effeminate). Sometimes I feel really at home in the gay neighborhood and sometimes I feel like an impostor in this community. I wonder if all this is a reaction to years of repressing myself (no zealot like a convert) and to what extent it is all part of the normal process of coming out. The guilt is fading rapidly, and I would not trade the freedom I feel for anything in the world. Any advice, tips or comments that might help on this journey would be welcome.
So I'm a lot younger than you and don't have as much experience with this kind of thing, but I know that I sometimes feel like an imposter, like you talked about. But I feel like you've got things pretty much good. You're being yourself and not feeling repressed or hated or anything anymore, and that is awesome. I live in a moderately conservative small town, so I know what you're talking about with hiding/repression etc. It's not fun :\ but now it seems like you're out of the low zone and things are fine. Just keep being yourself and loving life!
Welcome to EC! I was in denial about my sexuality for years. Your story sounds very familiar. I came out to my parents as bisexual at the age of thirty six. Until recently I thought I was bisexual. A month or so back I watched a video called Prayers For Bobby. I related to Bobby so strongly that it made me realize that I'm gay and not bi'. Since coming out as gay I find myself naturally doing gay things like; gesturing more, raising the pitch of my voice, getting a manicure, wearing more colorful clothes. It hasn't felt fake at all. Just do what feels natural.
