Hi all! I'm new to the site and just thought I would explain where I am in life and see if maybe I can get some advice. I'm 24 years old and am starting to question my sexuality. I'm just now realizing that I think I like girls. I've been with guys before but I just don't get the same feelings about them as I do when I see a pretty girl. I'm very nervous around pretty girls and get butterflies in my stomach but that's all I have to base my sexual orientation decision on. I'm not ready to label myself as a lesbian just yet because I haven't actually had any experience being with a girl. I know you don't have to have an experience before you can say you're gay. I think I'm gay, I just need something to validate my decision. I want an experience. I'm not sure how or where to meet anyone. I'm scared of not knowing what to do. How will I know if someone else is gay? I don't think I have gaydar. How will people know that I'm gay? What will my parents think of me if I tell them I'm gay? I'm scared they will think I'm just going through a phase and will be over it. I'm so confused and feeling a little hopeless about my situation. I realize a lot of people must have felt the way I do and I guess I'm wondering how they got through it and how they met other gay people. I live in an area with a couple gay bars, but that's not really my scene.
Well, honestly, a gaydar for females is a much harder skill to hone. I know that I...well, I don't really have a good one. For guys? Yes. For girls? Damn, I wish. Sexuality isn't something you discover in a day. I've been fighting with myself for a while now, and only recently found this site and officially came out to myself. I, like you, have not had a homosexual relation. I only know of one girl who is bi, not lesbian, but she doesn't go to my school, so that doesn't help me much . As to meeting people and knowing if they're lesbian too? Well, a sure-fire way is to come out to people to say, "Hey, look, I'm gay." However, that might be a bit extreme at the moment if you're not quite sure. You might be bi, you never know. But the thing is that if you only get those feelings about girls then you're a lesbian. My extremely uneduacted opinion. But everyone is, to a degree, bisexual. So you don't have to worry about that. And remember this: We don't like genders--we like people. My only advice is to try to get to know yourself before getting to know someone else and expecting them to know you (I stole from a quote, if that was really confusing ). It's hard, but that's why everyone here is here. To help you get comfortable in your own skin. Also, if you're just beginning to experience these feelings, you don't want to jump the gun on things. Wait it out, experience yourself and your inner feelings, and just search for happiness. I'm sure there are other people more qualified than me to help you with ways of picking up girls so I'm not going to even attempt to help there. But we are here for you to help you with getting more comfortable with yourself. Oh, and welcome to EC, by the way. If you need anything, my PM box is always open and I'm open to lengthy e-mails if a person needs to talk . Good luck...(and sorry this was such a long post!)
Hey, welcome Agraves. I'm Helena. You're right that lots of people go through these questions, so don't feel alone (*hug*) I'm gonna go through some of them: "How will I know if someone else is gay? How will people know I am gay?" If someone tells you they are gay, or you meet them at pride or in a gay bar, you could probably assume they're at least bi. Otherwise, it's pot luck. After a while, you can start to spot tell tale signs and notice other gay people (gaydar) but that takes experience and it's very subjective. I don't have it yet :biggrin: "What will my parents think of me if I tell them I'm gay?" This depends on your parents. Are they generally liberal and/or pro-gay rights? If so, they will take it better, but not necessarily perfectly. If they disapprove of homosexuality, that may be harder. I would advise not coming out to them until you are a bit more sure, especially seeing as you don't live with them anymore (I assume). Then you'll be more confident if they ask the difficult questions. I realised I was gay despite never having an experience with a girl, and I did that through fantasy. Maybe, if you haven't already, you should explore that a bit because it's a good way of testing your feelings without having to actually go out and meet somebody. I recently joined an lgbt youth group to try and meet more people, and maybe you could do that. Mine goes up to age 25. Or if you're at uni, maybe there's a campus lgbt group? This kind of support group can be a good place to meet a few friendly lgbts without the intimidating atmosphere of a bar. If you make a friend, maybe you could ask them to introduce you to some more of their friends, or take you to a bar. Going with someone you know will make it easier. If you really don't like the gay bars in your town and won't go in them,you'll be severely disadvantaged, so I advise at least trying them once you're on your feet. It must all seem very intimidating right now, but try not to let it get on top of you. (*hug*) Everything new is like that at first. All you need is to make some friends who can show you the ropes, as it were. It's good that you've come to EC and I really hope you find more confidence soon. Welcome!
