Hey everybody, thanks in advance for any responses. Where I'm at it's pretty late, so. Ok anyway, so I've finally figured out who I am and what I want out of life in terms of romance and what not... the problem is that I don't know how to come out to my best friend of over TEN YEARS... We've been best buddies thru thick and thin since the 6th grade, waaayy back in 2002 lol. He's showed signs of mild homophobia over those years. I came out to him and others a while back that I secretly wanted to be a girl, but knew it was a pretty impossible dream to become one so I settled for an Androgynous lifestyle. I THINK he's okay with this, but I'm not sure. He said we'd been friends too long for something like that to screw it up, which makes me hopeful that me admitting I'm gay/bisexual-ish won't screw it up either... but this is where I need the advice from you all. I'm mostly worried that his homophobia will kick in and he won't want to hang out with me anymore. I'm scared he'll think I've constantly got the hots for him or something, and he'd be weirded out by that. I don't think I'll ever have a best friend quite like him ever again, so I really don't want to lose him. Of course, if he did let his homophobia get to him, then it would be his loss I guess... but I would still feel like it was my fault. I mean should I come out face to face? A text? Long thoughtful email? :help: PS - Also I bet some of you are wondering how in the world I stayed in the closet for 10 years... lol well, this gay/bisexual-ish orientation of mine was actually only recently discovered. Sounds crazy, but it's the truth. Post on my wall if you want to chit chat! Thanks again for any and all responses.
Hmmm, TsurugiPrincess, Well at the risk of seeming a little backward and not offering the best support.. I'm from the midwest too, my two bestfriends are definitely the redneck types. Fishing, Hunting, Driving big trucks, they are definitely grown up little boys playing for sure. And with that mentality in mind, I would say, if you've already come out to him that you'd like to be a woman. Then just coming out gay is probably fine. In fact, they'd probably see it as a step down from wanting to be a woman. They probably already fathomed you having an attraction towards other males, so switching gears a bit and saying you want to be with men as a man probably won't phase them much. Honestly, myself, I would already consider myself OUT at this point. From coming out to my own friends, I know attraction can be a topic that can come up, but I wouldn't say they're going to be so weird out by it that they can't handle having you around as a friend. You can always do what I did, just say how you feel about them when you come out. I love my friends like brothers, I'm gay, and I just wanted them to know the real me. They understood. Hopefully, if your friend has been with you this long, he won't care either way.
Thank you for the really thoughtful response And yeah, I think you might be right. Only problem is that when I came out as a secret woman, I said I was a "male lesbian" to kind of cover up any gayness. At the time, I really did think I was a male lesbian, but recently I've just kind of admitted to myself that I'm not. I basically told myself to stop kidding myself, open up to my true attractions, study them and then make a decision. So yeah, I'll tell him some day... just not sure when. Thanks again
The way I see it, you should just go for it. If he's really a good friend, and it sounds like he is, then don't worry about it he'll come around, even if it isn't right away. The way I came out to people was through emails because I feel like I can collect my thoughts better if I write them down, and it also gives them a chance to compose themselves and think about before they see you again. If that helps you, then great. Best of luck. I'm rooting for you!
Yeah I'm the same with collecting thoughts better if it's written or typed (preferably typed). And yeah that's true about them getting time to think about it. And thanks for the rooting! Lol
