I've been somewhat "out" since January of this year. One thing I have noticed is that I feel like I'm becoming less masculine. Before I came out nobody, as far as I know, suspected I was gay. I wasn't the stereotypical gay guy, but as this year has gone on I think I'm growing into the stereotype. Is this a common occurrence among gay men after coming out?
No. Being gay doesn't magically change you into a stereotype. But what makes you think that you're becoming a feminine guy?
Maybe this "masculine" you identify is truly just the emotional barriers you've built up through fear and tension. I've never been a typical male, but as I eased into accepting my sexuality, I did become looser and more open
I have become more open to feminine things (like manicures) since declaring myself gay. I think it's more about freedom to cross traditional gender lines. Does that make you less masculine? It makes you a whole person IMO.
It could just be that you weren't, for lack of better words, as 'calm' as now. You now might be more relaxed now that you aren't hiding something from a few people. I myself have always been Feminine. If anything, I did become a little more Feminine after Coming Out to several others, mainly because I now feel more comfortable around certain people.
As others have stated, I don't think it has to do with "losing masculinity," but more along the lines of being more comfortable and not watching your every move/word in order to not give off that you might be gay. I would say in general, things "flow more freely" with less hesitation, whatever it might be.
My impression is that it takes a lot more "masculinity" (macho, cajones) for a male to be out as gay than pretending to be straight. Most of the out gay guys I know are indistinguishable from straight guys, not flamboyant or effeminate, so I don't consider the "stereotype" to be typical, just a Hollywood character that some people choose to emulate. But that having been said, be the authentic you, whatever you feel that is, and don't worry about it.
Actually, I also noticed some kind of change on myself. After coming out to myself my looks's been slightly changing more to the feminine side. There's this strong masculine part of me that always needs to show up in some way so I wore mainly men clothes and so on but lately it's not rare that I buy some clothes from the women's department; and even bought some make up. I still show the masculine part, but less in my appearance and I project it more in the way how I treat women and how I look at them, I think.
I'll take a slightly different approach. I definitely don't think that coming out makes you lose masculinity, but it does let you be more in touch with your true self. And for most gay men, that means being in touch with their more sensitive, intuitive, emotional side, which is often mistaken for "feminine" because those traits are most commonly associated with femininity, even though they aren't inherently feminine. I've noticed with many of my friends who have come out, also, that as they come out, they do tend to get a little more "loose" with things like hand gestures and expressions and other more stereotypically "gay" things, not because they're turning into someone different, but because they're simply being who they are. It really isn't giving up any part of who you already are as much as it is embracing a side of yourself you've suppressed for a long time. So for a while, it might be more visible and you're going to pay more attention to it because it's different than what you're used to. But it doesn't mean you're turning into a big, swishy, flaming, nelly bottom.
Like a lot of others already said, it's most likely because you're more comfortable about being yourself (which is probably a little more feminine) I've never been the feminine type, not much has changed since coming out, however, I don't feel ashamed to watch or do something "gay" anymore.
Personally for me, I had always thought I would be the rather masculine gay. But once I came out to a few people and started to accept it, I was able to no longer hold myself back and hide things. I kinda naturally just became a bit more feminine because I was simply able to be myself, and I loved it!
I wouldn't know, because I'm not openly gay yet, but if anything about you changes when you come out, it will be down to having suppressed certain parts of your personality unconsciously for so long. All those things will have been linked to a previous fear and once lifted, no longer an issue.
will admit this is one of the few things I was worried about when I came out I have always been one of the lads liked my football - cars It didnt happen if anything I got more manly.
