Hello, I would to start off by thanking you for taking the time to read my post. I’m sure you have better things to do and I greatly appreciate the fact you put that on hold to answer my moment of weakness. Now, to get to the point. This summer was a summer of realization that I was bisexual, as I entered a month long no strings attached relationship with a guy. It was better than most relationships I’ve had with women. Which originally led me to think I was gay, but my love for the female human body and personality quickly dissuaded me from that idea. But I digress. Up until yesterday, I’d only come out to one person. My best friend, whom I knew would support me through anything. He stood by me whilst I was in full swing of teenage depression and idiocy. I owed him that much to be honest. I say up until yesterday, because I decided suddenly to come out to another friend of mine, through Facebook ( Unfortunately my main method of communication with my friends over the other side of the Atlantic ). In the aftermath of doing this, I am now questioning my sexuality again. Could I really love another man? Could I get into a long, meaningful relationship? How do I know it’s not just some sexual proclivity? Perhaps I just enjoy being with a man physically, but cannot envisage it mentally, emotionally? Do I even love women? These sorts of questions are now filling my head. I know Descartes said “An intellectual is someone who can put into question everything they know” and thus, achieve greatness like he did with the “Cogito ergo sum”. But I feel no sense of greatness. I feel confusion, loss and perhaps even anger. I don’t understand myself. Freud would probably have a field day with me. I’m frustrated. Maybe because the full impact and realization of what it means to be bisexual is just hitting me. I don’t know. I don’t know anything for the moment. I’m not having any thoughts of suicide or depression. Those are concepts that no longer enter this brain. However, I do feel genuinely bad. Has anyone else experienced this after coming out?
why do you feel genuinely bad, tho? it seems like healthy self-disclosure to me. it'd be good to try and reduce the stress that caused that panic attack
Hey EF, I don't put much stock into what either Descartes of Freud have had to say, too many errors with consequences from both of them...but that's for another discussion... Being stuck is not really a bad thing. Saying "I don't know" is actually radical honesty, and not knowing anything is even better, so to speak! For years, I kept the possibility of an emotional relationship with a man quite separate from the sexual relationships, it was a neat trick of compartmentalization. Nevertheless, I came out to myself, late one night in February of this year, primarily because an image appeared in my mind of myself with a partner...I don't know where it came from...but I felt it in my gut...it was not an intellectual experience, it was as if my whole body recognized something important. In Zen practice, being stuck is a desirable state, i.e. the so-called "beginner's mind". It happened late one night for me when my intellectual defenses were down...find a still place to calm your heart and mind... with patience insight is sure to follow, eventually.
GW, To not put much stock into what they say would be a moot point for me. It is thanks to Descartes’ process of putting everything in question I arrived at the possible conclusion of my bisexuality. I do see your point though. As we say in French “Prendre ce qu’il dit avec une pincette”. Like Socrates, I feel I know nothing. However, you seem to have a better mastery over yourself than I do. Unfortunately, hormones control my mind, much to my distaste. To imagine a relationship without physical activity would be to imagine bread without butter. I will however, do as you say. A calm place is not lacking, here. Cheers, and thanks for the advice.
I can answer your question very simply: YES. I know exactly how you feel. All of the things above that I have narrowed down are all things I completely emphasize with: God, I thought I was alone in feeling that way. After coming out to my parents about three weeks ago about my own sexuality I felt absolutely terrible and I didn't know why. Direct quote from my diary "I wish I hadn't come out at all now, and it makes me feel awful." I think its possibly because I've locked myself into a label that I'm still exploring. Whilst on (most) days I'm 100% sure I'm bisexual, on others I seriously doubt it. What if I'm just straight, and am experimenting? Opposite from you, I am romantically attracted to women, but not so much sexually. That's hard to deal with, and I thought all of the same questions (except in reverse) that you do. I can only reassure you that after a few weeks it gets better. Its still a strange feeling, but that awfulness you have for about a week after does go away
Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to my post. You have no idea what comfort this has given me. I don’t know what to say. Again, as you highlighted, I thought I was alone in feeling this. You have the advantage of being in Bristol, where you can possibly enter a relationship with a woman. Unfortunately, I have to wait until I’ll be in the UK next year to even verify if my potential attraction to men is legitimate or not. But thank you for reassuring me this feeling will go. I don’t like feeling this way about my sexuality. I’m usually someone very comfortable with myself. Nothing bothers me. However this is profoundly disturbing me.
