Hi, this is me, an 18 years old man, gay into the closet, perfect son and great student. Everything in my life was perfect, best student of high school, great college opportunities, etc. but what happened? I never had a girlfriend or boyfriend, but since 14 or 15 I started feeling attracted to males. I never paid attention to that until January of this year. I fell in love with a hetero guy, I still want him but maybe he is gay I really don’t know but I am giving my best to forget him. I changed my major at the university because of him. I quit going to that college in April so I stopped seeing him in classes, now we hardly ever speak through facebook to each other. In May I started a new college, I’m pretty lucky I got a scholarship (one of the best in my country)for computer sciences, I met a new guy, he is 22 years old, very mature and I like him a lot. He uses to send me videos of gay stuff, he looks a little gay but I’m not sure about if he really is. I think that he has a girlfriend or boyfriend and maybe he just want to be my friend or in the worst case to play with my feelings. I did the same mistake I changed major to Law because him and also because I really like that major and even though I have good scores I dislike math and sciences in general, it’s just crazy for me to study computer sciences. I lost the scholarship but they told me that if I start computer sciences again I am going to have the full scholarship. My parents don’t have money and college it’s expensive even If I had a job. So I don’t want computer, I want to study law and that’s a big problem for me. The point is that I want to study law, but I don’t know how I’m going to do it? I want a boyfriend but it’s impossible for me to find someone Oh God why it’s so difficult! I feel alone, I need friends, I need a life and about my family I told my mother about me and she just said that I’m going through a situation and maybe I am not gay, she says that is just a period of my life. All these things are a disaster, I want to quit college, I want to move abroad, I just need love and not just coming from myself only. Thanks for reading this long! Edd By the way English it’s not my native language if you have noticed any mistake…
Life is confusing sometimes, and it's never fun when things don't work out. I don't know how to help with your specific situation, but have you considered telling this new crush of yours how you feel? I know that's scary...I've never been able to tell any of my crushes that I had feelings for them. Even though I can't be of much help to you, I hope that things get better. GIANT internet hug and my thoughts are with you!
