Odd work environment

First off: kudos to the fine people posting to this forum. I stumbled across it via The Google when trying to figure out if there were any other people in their late twenties who were, for some reason or another, really late to clue in. It's been really heartening to see that others have been through, more or less, very similar situations. And as such, I'll try not to rehash that too much (although I am terrible at practising brevity, so this will probably end up a novel. Don't say I didn't warn you).

Anyway, a bit about me: I'm 28, and just recently finished grad school in Ontario and moved back to the motherland of Alberta. I've considered myself straight, I guess by default, although it's been a rather unsuccessful run at being a straight guy; over the past 10 years, my love life has largely consisted of two makeout sessions with two women, which were quickly followed by large anxiety attacks, and then I cut things off more or less immediately. And maybe a few half-hearted online dates, but that's about it. I'd mostly chalked this up to introversion/social anxiety issues, and sort of put things on the back burner as I slogged through nearly 11 years of university (side note: if you are adamantly unwilling to deal with personal problems, chemistry works very well on account of the extra lab time. This is actually an awful reason to take chemistry, and there are many better reasons, but it is an option for sure).

Long story short: after finishing school, I figured I would have more time to devote to trying to meet people and date more, but my heart just wasn't in it. Until, it clicked. I was at home with a few ryes in me after a stressful week and was watching Happy Endings on Netflix. I think it was the episode where Max was trying to make up with the coffee store owner played by Max Greenfield. At this stupid, contrived, sitcom moment, I felt absurdly invested in their relationship, more than I had felt normally watching all of the heteronormative straight characters on TV before. And in my mildly drunken state, it hit me: holy shit, I'm probably gay. This is probably the absolute worst story about figuring out one's sexual orientation, but it was really that that made me put two and two (and two, and several more twos) together.

So, that was maybe two-and-a-half weeks ago. After maybe a day or two, I came to realise that, yes, I'm into other dudes, and probably have been for many, many years, although for whatever reason I've been unable to admit that to myself. I can't really figure out why, exactly; it might be the whole default-straight thing, and just never having had any chance to experiment with other men, or maybe having grown up in a fairly small, conservative prairie town, or maybe that base desire to have kids, or what. It's actually kind of embarrassing, as I should have had ample opportunity to figure this out. I worked in residence for a couple of years in undergrad, so most of my friends from that era are strongly liberal and open, and I had many gay friends throughout grad school that I could have counted on for support.

I'm sure there will still be ups and downs, as it hasn't been that long that I've been feeling this identity in my head and heart, and there are probably some adjustments that I'm still going to come to terms with. But, for having arrived at this conclusion, I'm happy - I think I've been lonely, at least romantically, for a long time, and the prospect of alleviating that is really exciting (although, ideally, I would have much preferred to have clued in long ago, but not much point in losing sleep over that now). And it's something that I would like to share with my friends and family, but it's a lot more terrifying than I had initially imagined. I still don't have a large social circle in the city I'm in, since I've only been here a little longer than six months. And while I'm certain that my three close friends here would be absolutely fine with it, I can't stop that voice of doubt in the back of my mind. I mean, two of them I've known for about 10 years, and I'm just concerned that it'll seem like I've been lying (or, at the very least, keeping a facade) this entire time. Even I'm not too thrilled with me for having, essentially, lied to myself for so many years. It all feels oddly deceptive, even if I wasn't even aware that I had something to deceive anyone of until recently.

The other slightly-less-than-ideal situation is with my parents. Neither have any problems with gay people, but I know that it can't be easy to hear that your kid is gay, and it takes some time to adjust. The kicker is that I work in the same office as my dad right now, which means, at best, I could come out to them on a Friday night and then have two days of separation before I'm back at work, with my dad and a handful of coworkers who don't know the situation (and although we don't work together directly, it's a small place - 13 people). I'm not sure if any of you reading this have been in that situation, but it makes it a bit harder.

And stressful. I have never been much of a liar, and right now when I'm around my parents and friends, I'm feeling like I'm just lying through my teeth the entire time since they don't know this fundamental thing about me, and it feels really awkward and forced. And let me tell you, it's really difficult to avoid talking to your parents when you regularly call home and have your dad stopping by your office to chat several times a day.

I think the worst part is not even knowing how to answer "what have you been up to?" I mean, I've been hashing out all these sexual identity issues in my head the past couple of weeks, and it sort of seems like a bad way to broach the subject. "Oh, you know, the usual, went to a documentary, and missed part of the point since I was preoccupied while contemplating how to explain to you and others that I'd like to have sex with other guys. You?"

Maybe, at least in terms of my family, it might be easier to talk to my older sister first, and then move on to the parents. And maybe plan an impromptu vacation after that to avoid the work thing.

I'm not sure if I have any actual questions, but it's been really useful to get this out in writing, at least, and if anyone has every been in that sort of situation before and has any advice, I'm all ears. Especially in the situation where you work with one of your parents, which is something that is more of a barrier than I had anticipated. In the meantime, I'll just keep up working up the nerve to talk to my friends, and try not to get a stress ulcer at work figuring out the family thing.