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FTM coming out to parents

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by utsuratsura, Nov 9, 2013.

  1. utsuratsura

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    SW Michigan
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    I'd like to start transitioning and go to a (gender)therapist. But since I'm still a minor, I can't do anything without my parents consent. I can't even go to a therapist on my own. So I need to talk to my parents.

    I tried to tell my mom in March, and she was cool for a while, but she started trying to pretend that I hadn't said anything. She still calls me pretty, beautiful, her little girl, asks me if I'm going to grow my hair back out. She's trying to ignore the fact that I did anything at all, I think.
    My dad doesn't know anything. I'm afraid of talking to him. He really enforces the gender binary, both my parents do. I've heard conversations between them about doing "pink jobs" and "blue jobs". He's pretty sexist sometimes, and when he saw two men kiss on TV, he talked for about 5 minutes about how its gross and they shouldn't have shown that. I'm afraid he'll think I'm mental and "get help". One of my friends is also FTM though, and he's pretty good with him, so that makes me feel a bit better. But he has his own views, and doesn't like anything else.

    I'm not really that close with my parents. I have trouble just having conversations with them, and I try to stay in my room most of the time. We don't usually talk about things like this, we mostly just keep personal things to ourselves. My parents are both very analytic and critical. They like to know exactly what's happening, who's involved, why and how it's happening.

    When I tried coming out to my mom before, I wrote her a letter, but I don't think that worked very well.

    So I was wondering if anyone had some advice on how I could do this?? :help:
     
  2. BookDragon

    Full Member

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    Location:
    Cambridge, UK
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Well you already told your mum, so the first bit is done. If she's trying to ignore it, remind her. Next time she asks you about your hair, tell her flat out that you're not. Remind her you want to transition. Get it into her head so she has to deal with it.
     
  3. utsuratsura

    Regular Member

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    Well I didn't exactlytell my mom I'm FTM. I still wasn't too sure so I was a bit vague about it, most likely. I told her I didn't want to be a girl, but either I wasn't specific enough, or she doesn't understand. I didn't really want to transition much at that time either. ((Sorry I forgot to put that in!!! -.- )
     
  4. Squabla

    Regular Member

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    Some people
    By the sound of it, the main problem is here is probably less that they aren't aware, and more that they don't want to be aware. But give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they just don't understand, or they just think you're having mood swings.
    I honestly think the best thing to do in your situation is to build up a bit more to specifics. You might not want to spill out everything all at once. Trust me on that one, with parents like yours (and mine) it does not end for the better. If you do want to do that, make sure you have words to say first. Probably not so much a monologue, but more just details to give them IF THEY ASK. (or if they don't ask, if you really feel they should know - but with the way your parents seem, I wouldn't recommend it) Keep in mind that whatever you do they will need time to settle in to the idea.
    Also keep in mind that the decision is yours on how to do it. Though I can give some advice, I am not truth.
    I wish you all the best.​