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My boyfriend

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by JakeHas, Nov 9, 2013.

  1. JakeHas

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    So my boyfriend wants to come out xD I can definitely tell, but he tells me he is so scared of telling his mom about anything.
    Do you guys possibly have any advice for him? He doesn't really want to join EC, so I made the post haha.
    I told him that I am there for him all the way through it, by his side no matter what. He just needs the encouragement to tell his mother and family. Because in his own words, "im so scared"
     
  2. Saint Otaku

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    If he's ready, not much advice except "go for it!" Judging by your age, I would suppose he still lives with his parents. If that was not so, I would recommend a letter or e-mail.

    Good luck to the both of you!
     
  3. Mirko

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    Hi there! What might help is knowing in advance, as to how his mom and family might react to his coming out. Does he have any ideas on how they might take it?

    As Saint Otaku mentioned, your boyfriend has a few options for coming out. If he doesn't feel comfortable coming out in person, he could write a letter, and leave it for them to read.
     
  4. English Frenchman

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    As Mirko said, it would be helpful if we knew what his families stance on homosexuality was. Does he think there is a chance his parents might freak out? Does he think they won’t accept him? These are questions he has to ask himself before coming out.
    Also, do your parents know you’re going out with him? I ask this, because although it pains me to think this might happen, if his parents are anti-homosexual and throw him out, at least your parents could take him in.
    It all depends on how they feel about it.
     
  5. bdman

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    Coming out to family is very scary thing. Once it's done, it cannot be undone so there's no going back. Personality I made it a huge deal when it really wasn't. It took bit of time, but it was not the life changing event I was expecting. I would recommend the following.

    As said before, what are his parents stance on lgbt people. Maybe you can check this out by casual discussing the latest political rights we have gained.

    Encourage your bf, but don't push him. You don't want to fill him with anxiety. It must happen on his own terms in his own time. Making him feel anxious will only hurt your relationship.

    For me, telling one family member at a time helped. Maybe he is closest to a sibling that he can sit down with first. For me it was my mom.

    My family was very Evangelical religious, so I was prepared with some literature from a Presbyterian church that discusses homosexuality from a factual scientific, social and biblical perspectives. This may not be of use if they are not religious.
     
  6. JakeHas

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    I'm not entirely sure how his family views it. He tells me they joke with the word fag or faggot a lot so that kinda upsets him and makes him wonder about actually coming out or not to them. We talked about maybe telling his older sister, he said she smokes a lot though, like, weed. And he isn't sure if she would be the best first option.
    I never brought up a letter though... I'll have to tell him about that
     
  7. JakeHas

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    Oh and to edit that, no my family doesn't know about us (except my sister) either. It'll be an experience for both of us, maybe get through this part of our life together.
     
  8. Data

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    I would say you'd need to know in what context the family jokes with the word "fag" in order to know exactly how it's meant. I would not jump to any conclusions about homophobia just because of that.

    One day years ago, one of our male dogs started humping our other male dog and my dad said "Oh look at that. We have gay dogs. GREAT!" and he said it in a negative tone. My heart fell straight into my stomach and I almost lost my shit. I went into my room and had a panic attack. It was like the world had come to an end right then and there. Fast forward to a year ago, and my dad has no issue with me being gay, and he doesn't love me any less.

    I second the letter. There is no shame in sitting the parents down and handing a letter over instead of saying it out loud. It's much easier and you can still gauge their body language and facial expression.

    If you two did it together, that would be pretty romantic (in my eyes anyway).

    I wish you both good luck!
     
  9. JakeHas

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    Okay I'll definitely bring up the letter, that's probably going to be how I do it when I do.

    I need some insight on this idea though, it came to me today during school and I've been building ideas off of it all day.
    | | |
    I could suggest to him that we come out to each other families for each other xD. Confusing and weird when you think about it, allow me to explain.
    We use Skype and talk to each other's parents or something. That way we would hit two birds with one stone, they would know about me and him, and that we're gay. I could talk to his parents, explain who I am, explain he just needs support right now and a loving family, and then he could for me.

    It is a VERY rough idea and certainly may be iffy to bring up because it is indeed a rather personally thing that I'm sure people would want to hear from their child directly, but I just thought I may as well share it as it was another idea that came to mind. I'm just not sure how it would go so I wanted to get some of your guys' insight on it!
    Thanks :grin:
     
    #9 JakeHas, Nov 11, 2013
    Last edited: Nov 11, 2013
  10. Mirko

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    To be honest, I think it isn't such a good idea. The both of you need to speak with your own parents.

    Given that the both of you are not out to your own parents, and the fact that he doesn't know how his parents are going to react, what make you think that this is going to go well? :slight_smile:
     
  11. JakeHas

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    Understood and agreed 100% just wanna throw any ideas I got out there! That most definitely wont work out anyway, I'll stick with the letter. But if anyone else has any ideas or stuff I could do to make my boyfriend feel better about it, that would be fabulous (like me :wink:)!! Thankssss