I guess I'm writing because I'm about to hit my point-of-no-return and I feel kind of terrible. This summer I had what some people might call a life-changing experience, where I finally accepted that I am a girl who probably exclusively likes girls. That coming-in process has been really great. I'm more productive at work, dressing the way I want instead of the way that I think will make people like me and I'm spending more time with friends and all of that stuff. I've opened up, even if I haven't told many people what my deal is. The problem is that I'm twenty-nine and already married to a guy from my hometown. We didn't exactly grow up together, but our families know each other and we've been very close for at least ten years. (We've never had sex and it's only now that I'm realizing that it might be a sign, yeah). He's the closest friend I've ever had, and has always been there for me when no one else has. I do love him, and I guess that feeling just progressed into a series of logical next steps. Admitting this makes me feel like kind of an idiot, but I've always been bullied in high-school and beyond. I annoy people easily (I talk too much; have too much energy; that sort of thing) and I have real trouble relating to people. The feeling of being loved for once really pulled me in, and here we are. I don't know if I'm at the point where I can shake up what little I have. I have told my husband and a few friends. They claim to be supportive but I'm not ready to tell anyone else. I think for now just need to put it out there in the ether and remind myself that it's true. Maybe I'll feel a little less stupid, at least.
Coming out to yourself is the hardest part of being LGBTQ for many people. Don't call yourself stupid-call yourself brave for finding the courage to come out and living your life the way you want. This forum has a section for people coming out later in life. You can stick around. I can't personally relate to you but you'll find tons of support there and many people in alike situations. You're not alone.
Well, on better days I just think I'm selfish for getting all these other people involved when I should have just come-in a long time ago. So that's progress! Anyway yeah, I wondered about posting there. I wouldn't consider myself "later in life" (I think my vanity complex requires a whole other forum!), but I am married so I did check it out and then everyone was talking about what it's like to grow up in the 60s and how to tell the kids and I was kind of intimidated, seeing as I don't have kids and my parents grew up in the 60s. So then I was like, "general coming out advice, huh? I could use that."
