how do you find courage and confidence in being a gay man? im really self concious and it plays on my mind all the time... my goal is to be a proud confdent gay man who doesnt need everybodys acceptance. not to be never laughed at again, but to be laughed off and shrug it off. I want to be able to openly admit that i am gay, and to be okay with it. i know what i want, i just dont know how to achieve it. please help!!
My theory, you're still in the stages of self acceptance! When a person laughs and/or comments about your sexuality it only has an effect when you take what the person says as an insult. If he teases you for being gay and makes fun of it, if you don't have a problem with your sexuality then it won't affect you! But.... this is TOTALLY inapplicable to people whom u care about their opinion (e.g friends and family) This is where everyone finds it harder Start with friends; first step is to come out, if their fine with it then Jolly Good and no problem, but if they don't then you put them behind you - they're obviously not friends. Family is the hardest, you won't be comfortable being open with your family until you have the strength to face any reaction they may offer. How you get your confidence is different for every person, and not something people here can tell you how to gain. It's all about loving yourself, will power and the right attitude. Good luck!
Everyone wants to be liked and respected. You can never completely get away from this. But by being in the closet, you're sending the subtle message that "This is a secret, it's bad and that's why I hide it". When you're out and open, you're telling people that you've accepted it and you expect them to accept it too. Also, make a distinction between pride and confidence. Self-confidence is something that you develop as you work through the process of becoming a better person. It is connected to being an out gay man- the two go together but one is not the source of the other. The whole gay pride thing just seems a little contrived. We wouldn't say, I'm proud of having brown eyes or proud of being left-handed. If you believe that being gay is just part of who you are, then there's no reason to think of it as something to be ashamed or proud of.
The key to self-confidence is self-love. (And no - not that kind. ) You have to start liking yourself. You have to decide that you enjoy your company, that you're the sort of person you like to have around. So give it a try. Whatever you like, LIKE it. Don't be ashamed of being a tech geek or loving volleyball or kicking ass at ballet. Whatever it is you like to do, whatever it is you enjoy - ENJOY it. WHOLE-HEARTEDLY. TOTALLY. Will other people think you're weird because you like this, that, or the other? Some might. But SFW? YOU'RE living your life, not them. Why deny yourself the joy you derive from dragons or lacrosse or juggling? People like that'll find some other reason to laugh, anyway, so screw them. Get to the point where you can say, "I love dragon sculptures. I love making them, and painting them, and buying them." Like it's no friggin' big deal. Because it ain't. At that point, saying "I like guys" is just half a step away. Oh, and... >>>The whole gay pride thing just seems a little contrived. We wouldn't say, I'm proud of having brown eyes or proud of being left-handed. If you believe that being gay is just part of who you are, then there's no reason to think of it as something to be ashamed or proud of. Sigh - do I HAVE to go over this again? For YOU, Kara? Fine. You are on to something there. No, I'm not "proud" of my homosexuality. Any more than the color of my eyes or my handedness. But, as you say, I'm not ashamed of it either. Pride is, in essence, the opposite of shame. Gay Pride isn't us setting ourselves above the straights. It's us saying "Yeah, we're gay - deal with it." After hundreds of years of lying, hiding, and denying, it's our way of saying "Screw that - not going back there again." Lex
I can relate to your problem evilmonkey, this is something that's really been bugging me lately, I've done the impossible thing and seen a counsellor about it. It hasn't really worked, she seems intent on making me cry. But I just wanted to say how helpful Gumtree, Kara and Lex's comments are. Even though I don't think it's possible for me to be self confident, I'll keep this advice in mind I really don't think I'm able to be out, even around people that I know would be fine with it, I'm just far too guarded for that.
Hi there! As the other have said, start by accepting and liking yourself for who you are. Don't second guess yourself. This will make things easier and you will become also more self confident about yourself which will help you in coming out to others as well. Is it easy? No it is not. But if you take it one day at a time and if you allow yourself to expereince the 'good and the bad', you will get there. But remember that there is no rush in coming out to others. Only do it when you know that you are ready for it. What might help is talking to someone about it (if you haven't done so already). Having accepted myself for being gay has allowed me to come out to others (even if it is just one friend thus far) and gain self-confidence. As Lex said and this is something I have started telling myself is that this is my life and I want to enjoy it and live it as best as I can. Having said this, I do admit that I still need to keep telling this to myself, but I see it as the beginning in being able to move forward. Recently I have learned that leaving the "what ifs" in the closet behind me helps me in boosting my confidence about myself and also looking at the world and how I fit in there differently. Keep telling yourself that this is who your are, that this is your life and you want to enjoy it. The pieces will begin to fall into place. I hope this is of some help!
