I recently came out to someone that I hardly know and who I never see in person really. Hes gay so I found it easy to come out to him. I hadn't spoken to him in months and I just sent a message via social network one day. I just said I am looking for friendship and thats it really. Coz I don't really know anyone else who is gay. He said he is always up for making new friends with people and asked how I was. and that is about all he said. He didn't even sound surprised that I came out to him. I replied saying thanks etc and since then the conversation has stopped he never replied again. Do you think I should message him back and ask if I could hang out with him in gay bars etc or leave it at that in case he was just trying to be polite to me... I originally sent out a friend request but he never accepted it so I cancelled over a week later when I saw his friends list go up without me. But after I sent him a coming out message he mentioned in his reply that he had forgotten to accept my request. again sounds like hes just trying to be polite...but since then I haven't sent him another request and he hasn't sent me a request either. Maybe because he knows i am in the closet so doesn't want to create suspicion for me by sending me a request? or he is just not that bothered about being my friend and is just being polite? I don't want to come across as pushy/desperate but at the same time I really want to make friends and have someone to try going to a gay bar with or something. I suppose it can't hurt to send him one more message but hmm I dunno...I feel like I might be forcing him to be my friend and at the same time I feel that maybe I have it wrong like he is up for being my friend but is just a quiet person hence the no further reply maybe I can write a message that suggests I want to go to a gay bar by asking him about gay bars BUT not actually suggesting he go with me...so that I don't come across as begging him to be my friend. cheers
Hi there! It's great that you were able to be open with him about yourself. Given that he has already said that he is 'always up for making new friends,' I think it would be perfectly alright to message him again and ask him if he would like to get together at a coffee shop, or for a drink somewhere. I don't think it can hurt to give it at least a try.
Thank you very much. Yeah it feels good to have finally come out to one person. I guess I will try messaging him one more time. Also I ended up editing my post a few times sorry. Also would it be weird for me to ask him to hang out in a coffee shop like you mentioned? Because if we are both gay wouldn't that be like a guy asking a girl out on a date? I wouldn't want him to think that and scare him.
Hi there! I don't think it would be weird asking him. Coffee shops are perfect places to meet up with friends or potential friends. If you want to make sure that he is not going to think you are trying to go on a date, you can always preface it with saying that you would like to make new friends as well and then ask him.
Thanks. Just thought I post an update about this and also because I feel the need to blog about it. Well I exchanged a few more messages with him. Asked him about gay bars, he said he never really goes to them (?!?!?). I was basically hinting at the fact that I wanted him to take me to a gay bar/have a friend to hang out with. But he did ask me if I wanted to go out for a drink with him. I said yes and we arranged a day but when it came it never happened as I was waiting for him to call me about a time. But I guess some people are just busy and forget, no big deal right?, a lot of my friends forget about things (i thought). I ended up messaging him, asking if he was still up for a drink and also made it sound like it was me who was busy and sorry for not contacting him in advance. But he never replied... Then I changed the subject as I had something else to ask him and he replied plus again he said that we should get a drink sometime. (so now I was feeling good! thinking I have a good friend to hang out with) So I replied saying something like "when you wanna go then?" (making sure I was direct) but he again has not replied to my message... Its so sad when people build your hopes up but then for some unknown reason leave you waiting and never get back to you. I think I should just leave it now. I think he is in a happy relationship anyway (from what I could gather online, I'm not a stalker lol). Not that I was after a relationship in that way, I just wanted friendship. But I feel like intruding if he is busy with a boyfriend and also a bit stupid/dumb. I dunno why? But I feel sad knowing he has a boyfriend (bit heart broken) I guess I fancied him a little and that give me the confidence to come out completely to MYSELF (first time I fancied a gay guy) and for once in my life felt good about being gay. I guess I just have to move on and sort it out myself. Atleast I learnt a lot about myself from meeting him. Would dating sites be a good way to make friends? I have heard that dating sites are good for finding friends or whatever you want. I have tried signing up to one but it just seems to daunting. I'm still uncomfortable about selecting "male" like what if someone I know finds my profile on a website such as plenty of fish. thanks for reading
I don't get why people do that, saying "we should get a drink sometime" and then not responding when you try to set something up. It is possible that he would like to get together but has a very busy social life and is short on time. Who knows? I think you're right to move on. I don't know if dating sites are the best way to meet friends. I'd think most people on them are looking for more than friendship. And that's ok. But it sounds like you might not be ready for that. I would suggest finding a LGBT group to join. There are all sorts of groups out there that get together for a variety of activities. Meetup.com is a good place to look. A lot of places have gay community centers too. It's worth looking into. Of course, these groups tend to be more numerous in cities and more liberal areas. Do you live in an area that's gay friendly? If not try visiting a place that is and going to some sort of group or function. That may help you feel better.
Thanks yeah it is annoying when people do that. its so hard to move on though I still keep hoping we can be friends. o well I guess over time I will not think about him I did google LGBT groups but found nothing in my area (small town). I do live about 1 and a half hours away from one of the UK's biggest cities, so I cud try there. I will also look at meetup.com thanks
