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Its Starting to Kill Me

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Mylo360, Nov 12, 2013.

  1. Mylo360

    Regular Member

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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
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    Hi everybody. I really don't know how to get into this other than just getting straight to the point. So here we go

    I have told four people, one gay friend, one girl, one straight friend and finally his girlfriend that I myself am gay. Thus far I have yet to meet a person who rejects me, and I am so thankful for having these supportive friends. But.... I live over 4 hours away from all of them. I spent the Halloween weekend with them which is also when I told them. After that, I was able to, cliche as it may be, get to be the real me for the first time in my entire life! It was without a doubt the most wonderful feeling i have ever experienced, the freedom of being able to not just think but say my true feelings... Now I am back home, going to school and just trying to get through the semester till break, at which point I will be able to see them again.....

    But my homophobic family friends seem to be the only people I am around anymore, and I swear its either me just paying more attention or strange coincidence, but the homophobia has worsened. I cant make it through a single day without hearing something terribly disrespectful to gay people, and after tasting that sweet liberated speech with my friends, I am finding it harder and harder to conceal my true feelings..... I just want to shout at my family, "LOOK I AM GAY!!!!!" I want to get away from it all, but I have nowhere to go.

    Above all though, I am sick of lying. Every weekend I get a nice lecture on some new nice girl I should talk to, when really what I want more than anything else is a boyfriend that I can spend my time with...... I am craving a relationship so bad right now, but because of my location I cant. My sis gos to college with me, along with a lot of former classmates. All it would take is one slip up, one person seeing the wrong moment and the word would spread like wildfire.... I feel that it definitely must be me to tell my parents the truth and nobody else, but all this waiting for the right moment .....it is just killing me...

    any advice/help would be extraordinarily appreciated
     
  2. BookDragon

    Full Member

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    Location:
    Cambridge, UK
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Well, if you want to test the waters a bit, next time you hear them say something homophobic call them up on it. Even if you just say "Mum! You can't say THAT!" or something, just question them. It probably won't be fun by any means, but that's unfortunately the game you're playing...

    Before I told my mum I am trans, I argued the toss with her for weeks about her disgusting views on cross-dressers until she eventually yelled at me for 'talking in code' and 'not talking about anything relevant'. At which point I told her. To be quite honest, I personally wish I'd been able to tell her another way and it didn't exactly make things EASY on the other hand, she WOULD have had the nice 'coming out' speech everyone else got if she hadn't insulted me so much. So something to consider...
     
  3. Shazzy22

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hey! Well done for coming out with your friends I found for me that it was difficult for me to tell the people I was closest too. That new found freedom of being honest is so liberating. I'm half turkish and growing up in my household would often hear my mum or dad making comments in regards to peoples sexuality. I used to often reason I don't see the problem myself I have friends that are gay though it didn't really used to help. But once my parents found out they took it completely different with how I thought they would (despite their homophobic comments) And after many years now they finally respect me and are really close with my boyfriend (who would have thought) It's difficult but it is a process that we go through. I'm sorry I can't really be helpful but you will get there and know that by the end you would have met some great people who will accept you!