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coming out issues

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ba92, Nov 15, 2013.

  1. ba92

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    Oka, so now and then I think about being out. But I hate telling people, not always because I'm scared to do so ( I told my parents, who believed it was a phase once I had a girlfriend).
    When I tell people I'm bi they don't believe me, they all tell me "you seem so straight"; it gets on my nerves almost as much as when people give you that condom speech when coming out.smh
    So I don't tell anyone, simple as that.
    But when coming out pops up in my head, I wonder what my life would be like more than what people would think of me. And honestly, I'm scared of how my world as I know it will turn upside down, because it WILL. For example, I have a hard times making friends, most people think I'm weird. my social life would almost be non-existant if I came out. <---- this gives me trust issues.
    In general, I see coming out as bisexual a bad move for me, I don't see anyhthing positive coming from it other than what ifs scenarios. So how do you motivate yourself to do so? How do you make yourself do something you don't think will help you in the slightest? not even mentioning the whole straight personality that's placed upon me by others.
    Any help would be appreciated.
     
  2. BookDragon

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    WHY do you feel the need to come out to all these people? They don't have a right to know and if it doesn't make you feel any better, why bother?

    There's no rule that says you HAVE to tell everyone you know. Hell the only reason most people tell their parents is so they don't say anything stupid when they eventually bring someone home to meet them. The only reason to FORCE yourself to do it is if you honestly believe that if you don't tell your friends before hand you will never be able to date a man if you fell for one. Otherwise, don't worry about it so much. You DID the hard part whether they believed you or not.
     
  3. ba92

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    So, I'm stuck in the closet forever, cool.lol seriously, its not that I need people to know, I'm just curious on how my life would be as a out and proud bisexual man, but idk if its worth losing so much. its like I'm scared of change, you know.
     
  4. biggayguy

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    The only reason I told my parents was so that they wouldn't find out from someone else. I don't come out to people unless there's a reason but if they ask I tell them the truth. Just be yourself. You may be surprised that some things change for the better.
     
  5. Mirko

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    Hi there! Being scared of change and letting go of the walls protecting and surrounding you at the moment, can be difficult, and it is perfectly alright to take your time in coming out. If you trust a friend enough, and you know that already coming out to that person would allow you to start being more yourself (which could also help with giving others a chance to see that as well), that would be something to hang on to, and think about.

    Coming out to others, could give you the freedom to explore new things, and at a deeper level to that. Being curious about what your life would and could look like, is likely the beginning of you wanting to bring down the walls.

    The 'what ifs' are only going to become something more to worry about, if you let them worry you. But if you want to come out, to explore new possibilities and a different aspect of your life, the 'what ifs' aren't even going to appear. :slight_smile:
     
  6. ba92

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    Thanks for the advice. I will think on it tonight.
    So far as telling friends, that's out the window.
    Everyone I've told, other than about a hand full of people have walked out on me.
    If I tell my friends I have to be prepared to lose them, and I'm not.
    Some of them have done so much for me, I'll feel guilty and I'd feel I won their friendship under a false persona.
     
  7. BookDragon

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    If you never take another piece of advice from anybody ever again, take this piece right now. NEVER EVER let yourself think this again.

    Your sexuality does not define you and it does not change you. The friends you made you made as you, nobody else. You didn't pretend to be someone else. They didn't make you agree that you could only be their friend if you were straight. YOU made those friends. YOU are the same person. The ONLY difference is your potential to like a guy. You shouldn't feel guilty, THEY should feel guilty. If the only thing they liked about you was the fact that you liked girls what the hell kind of friends were they anyway?!

    Also, there is a difference between being in the closet and not telling everyone you're bisexual. What I'm saying is you don't NEED to tell anyone your bi, as long as it doesn't stop you from being who you are. You don't need to warn your friends you might date a man. Please don't think for a moment when I say you don't NEED to tell your friends that I want you to pretend it's not a thing.
     
  8. Robben

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    At one time I thought I suffered from a sexual neurosis. The dominant sex had to be female, and I was victimized for my infatuations. The woman asked me if I was able to sleep with a man and still go through with this. Once that friendship was over. I realized she was playing tricks with my head based on my experience with the opposite sex. The point is that when heterosexuality is unrewarding, and proves to be a flirtation with disaster. We can then say "no" I may be different even in my perversions, I may even be unique, but I am not asking for punishment from anyone.
     
  9. Mirko

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    Hi there! Sorry to hear that some of your friends have decided to end their friendship after you came out to them.

    If this....

    ... is the case, you shouldn't be losing your friends. If your friends have helped you, been there for you, and have done things for you, why would they turn their backs on you?

    If they do turn their backs on you, and as ElliaOtaku said, they aren't your real friends. Your friends should not view you differently for being bisexual. Coming out to them, does not change the fact that you are still the same person. Even after you come out to them, they still should continue wanting to keep that same friendship.
     
  10. ba92

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    I hear you, man. maybe I'm over thinking this a bit. A real friend wouldn't treat someone they cared about like that.