I've been very lucky to find an incredibly supportive and accepting group of friends among the conservative chaos that is Kansas. I am out to nearly everyone that I care about. Except of course, for my family. I never even planned on coming out in the first place, I'm bi and up until I fell for my current girlfriend, I mostly liked and enjoyed the company of the male crowd. My younger sister has known for a very long time, but I only "officially" came out to her last weekend. She's trying to help me approach coming out to the rest of my family. I am head over heels in love with my girlfriend, she has been my best friend for years and recently I confessed that my feelings were more than platonic and thank whichever deity it is that you worship, she returned them. Everyone that we've told has been beyond happy for us. There would not be a problem except for my father, step-mother, and their families. When my cousin came out of the closet my father told me that he "would rather kill myself than have a :***: for a kid," needless to say I was disheartened. Since then I have attempted to make progress but have only been greeted with more bigotry. My sister told me that if I come out he will probably disown me and I'm very tempted to believe her given my father's history. That wouldn't matter if he weren't paying for my (very expensive) college education. I care about my girlfriend so much, I want to be out to my family, I just don't know how to go about this in a way that helps my father understand that I am still the same person. :help:
There's not point risking it if you're certain of how your father will react. It might be an idea to wait until you're more independent. There's no rush to come out at all. I totally understand where you're coming from though and how frustrating it is, when you so desperately want to say something, but things hold you back. All that aside, its really great that you have such a supportive friend group, they will be ideal if you ever need to talk to anyone. One thing I wish I had done before coming out was to be more open with my friends, but instead I just closed everyone off and bottled all my feelings to myself. I've realised now that talking is good!
Thank you so much! That's what I needed to hear, I almost feel guilty though. My girlfriend is 100% out to her family and they love and accept us as a couple meanwhile I have to introduce her as my "best friend" to my family. I feel like she deserves the legitimacy that this entails, she hasn't said anything about it yet. Waiting it out does sound like it's probably the best option though. I have been so lucky with my friends, they're the best in the world. Talking to people who at least try to understand where you're coming from is amazing, a huge weight gets lifted every time you can pour your heart out to someone.
I can only agree with what Garchi said. Your Dad is better off not knowing for now, lest he act rashly and decide to either disown you, stop paying for your tuition or both. Make sure you have that degree first. It’s unfortunate to have to say that, as it almost sounds like your deceiving him. But you’re not. You’re simply letting him continue to support the person he’s always loved and to not make him do something stupid just because you’re going out with a girl. Congratulations, by the way. Especially in Kansas. I know what you feel, though. I’d also love to tell my parents. But I’d rather wait until I’ve got a degree under my belt to do that. It wouldn’t help at all, telling them. Be thankful for the moment that you have great friends and a great sister. I told mine the other day and all I’ve gotten is complete and utter support. I hope you feel even slightly better. Cheers, Xoxo.
Thank you I already am! It took a lot of courage to go through with it, but I'd say she's more than worth the weird looks. Telling my father is seeming like a worse and worse idea the more that I think about it. My education is worth more to me than honesty, and if he wants to be an ass, he can do that by himself when I'm no longer relying on him. I'm sorry that you have to deal with hiding it too. It sucks to not be who you really are all of the time. You're lucky to have a sister who's supportive as well! Good luck to you!
