Hiya - So my best friend outed me a few months ago, in a professional environment and I'm not sure how to handle it (besides feeling betrayed and angry). Before we became besties I did not come out to her because she "told" me she knew I was gay before I could tell her, which was kinda weird, but I let it go. A while later she outed me in front of a group of acquaintances at work, in front of me, in casual conversation. It was humiliating. Later I explained to her what she did and how bad it was to do that and she felt horrible. She has a horrible problem with putting her foot in her mouth sometimes (obviously). I tried to let it go because it was not done on purpose to hurt me, but the trust was gone. A month later, she did it again, at work in front of a few friends who do not know I am gay. That's when I got angry and stopped speaking to her. She didn't understand why I stopped being friends but I explained briefly that she outed me again and that I needed a bunch of time to cool off. I'm not angry about it anymore but still hurt and disappointed. I never did give her a full explanation of why I cooled the friendship besides a quick "hey you outed me again", so she doesn't understand what's happened. She's the first straight person who has ever done that to me. I'm wondering how other people have handled the same situation? I feel like I owe her a good explanation but time has passed and her life has moved in another direction. Do I say something or should I just totally cut the cord and move on? I don't like losing friends. Thanks in advance for any advice.
I really don't know what to comment on your situation (other than, wow twice? that's a bit much) - I just remember an interesting discussion with one of my straight male friends, shortly after a common friend did a partial/selective coming out - short story is he couldn't understand the concept of "need to know coming out", and was annoyed at being told and having to use discretion in conversations. I guess for some people they have no idea what it's like and why it's not always a good idea to tell the entire planet, at a certain point in time anyway. Even though you considered her a friend, she also sounds like a liability. Only you can determine which aspect is more important to you. I also think there's a remote possibility she does it subconsciously to deflect attention from her (i.e. any chance she's not 100% straight herself?).
When you tell someone you are gay they aren't meant to out you because you trust them that is horrible and I'm sorry x
She obviously has maybe some issues with gay people in general which is why maybe when you're around it's always on her mind and she just outs you. I'm saying this from experience. Me and many people when we think about sth constantly we always find ways to work it into a conversation, right? I don't think she had anything against you to say that, she was just thinking about it too much and it just came out. I had this happen to me one day. We were talking about future spouses and a friend of mine(who wasn't taking it very casually) used the male pronounce for MY future spouse. I gave her a hard look and I quickly managed to save the situation, but not anything worse than this can come to mind. If you've already drifted apart I don't think you should reach out to her much. It's tough losing friends but half the job is already done for you and you really don't need that ticking time bomb. If she can't control what she says like an adult, then she's "dangerous" for you... Sorry if I'm sounding a bit harshP I wish you all the best )
You are correct, she's not 100% straight but she hasn't explored that part of herself yet, she's a little confused. Thanks for the advice
