Hi there. I need some advice. I'm at a stage in my life where I've accepted my sexuality and managed to tell friends at university without any problems so far. I'm so happy that nothing has changed much, but at the same time I've had the hardest year of my life this year accepting this, and everything seems to be going wrong. I think I'm a good guy: I'd do anything for anyone, but I'm struggling with accepting this sexuality, the troubles of keeping up with uni, worries about insecurities and trust issues, and the recent death of my grandma last month which has the whole family a bit in turmoil. But I'm dying to tell my mum about me being gay: it eats away at me every day. I've been supportive to her for the last month and have been travelling to uni and back for two hours every day just so I can be there for her after the loss of her mum (she's a single child with only grandad left now). What should I do? I feel so out of place, and there's nothing but problems right now in my life. Please help. Thanks so much in advance. I think it's great there's someone I can talk to somewhere, even if it is online.
I'm glad you've accepted who you are and have found a supportive group of friends at university! How supportive is your mom in general of LGBT people? That might give you a starting point. If you don't know, you may want to broach the topic in the abstract. When I came out to my parents, my mom had just gotten over breast cancer and my dad had just changed jobs, so it was at the end of a lot of transitions in my family. This made my mom take it really hard, and I felt at first like I broke her, so to speak. But I know she loves me and she'll come around eventually (it's been a couple months), and I felt then and feel now like a big weight is off my shoulders just for having come out. Hope this helps
Ah, thank you for your response. I think she would take it not-so-well, but would accept it within a few months. I'm just a bit afraid that it's selfish or inappropriate to say anything now because of the situation, but I'm dying to get over it and just let life go on without worrying about dating etc.
You can probably be more helpful to your mom if you go ahead and come out to her, so that you are more relaxed and able to focus on her needs. Since it is a time of change for her, you might as well go ahead and make this part of her new world, so that she can move on too, to her acceptance of the new reality. She might surprise you by leaving her grief behind and focussing on being a mom and helping you. If she asks "why now", you can tell her that you waited until after grandma passed, but now you need to get this resolved.
