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How do I Phrase it?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Nyarlathotep, Nov 18, 2013.

  1. Nyarlathotep

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    So I recently decided to come out to my close group of friends and I decided to do so in a letter so that I can not only say everything I want to say without interruptions but also because having a physical object with which to come out will make it harder to chicken out of since the paper is a constant reminder and all I have to do is hand it to them, I don't even have to speak. My birthday is actually pretty close so I figured that would be a convenient time to come out since all my friends will be there. The problem is, in my letter should I go through my whole history of coming out to myself and discuss how I felt at different times in my life and how I came to the realization that I was gay and how I finally accepted myself? Or should the letter just have to do with the here and now? just telling them how I feel currently about my sexuality? I feel like telling them the whole story will let them understand me more but I don't want to bombard them with information they don't necessarily need or want. It's not like they wouldn't accept me if I didn't tell them all the steps leading to my coming out over several years but I also kind of want them to know everything about my decision to come out. What do you guys think? Tell them of the years it took for me to realize and accept myself? or tell them just how I feel right now?
     
  2. SemiCharmedLife

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    I'd say keep it short and simple. If they want to know more, they'll ask or it'll come up later in conversation.

    When I told my best friend, it was in person, but I just kept it really short. Basically "this is something that I've known for a long time, finally ready to tell a few people: I'm bi. No boyfriend, no girlfriend, just ready to get it off my chest." He was like "ok, cool." If he had asked for any more information, I would have happily given it to him, and we talked about it in little bits the rest of that night and since then. One of the benefits of doing it in person was that we could talk about as little or as much as we wanted to.

    I know how cathartic it is telling your entire story. But I also wanted to make sure my friend was comfortable and still saw me as the same guy I've always been, so I followed his lead a little.

    Just my two cents.
     
  3. CthulhuFhtagn

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    When I sent my coming out email to my dad, I did a quick summary of my whole process, coming out to myself and so forth. I didn't go into super details, but I left it open that he could ask me about anything at any time. Maybe that's the way to go? Do a really quick overview/proof that you really are gay and you are comfortable with it, then give them the here-and-now explanation of what's up?

    You should keep us posted on how it goes! Best of luck!

    Also, I'm diggin' the name there :wink:
     
  4. Nyarlathotep

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    thanks for the advice guys
    CthulhuFhtagn-I''l be sure to tell you how it went but like I said I'm planning on doing it on my birthday which isn't for another week so it''l be a bit.
    Your names' pretty awesome too:thumbsup:
     
  5. Two Spirit

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    If a lot of your friends are guys you could add a joke about how they aren't your type. I told a friend I liked boy and girls when I was younger and it was akward until they realized I wasn't hitting on them.
     
  6. Nyarlathotep

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    I only have one guy friend but we joke about having sex with each other a lot so I might try that.
     
  7. Silver Sparrow

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    Keep it short! Good luck!
     
  8. noahb1996

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    When I came out to my best friend, I was too chicken to tell him directly, so I said "I have something to tell you," and let him guess until he guessed right. I would keep the letter short, tell them the important stuff. I'm sure it will be a topic for discussion for a little while, so you can give them the extra details then. If it gets awkward, start cracking jokes about it to help lighten the mood. It was a little awkward between my friend and me for a few days but we got over it when we both got used to it.