Hi everyone. Some of you may know that I came out to my mom a few months ago and it went really well. I expected it to with her. She's always been very supportive of gay rights and I think she has always thought I liked girls. I came out to a few close friends as well, and am thinking of coming out to my dad soon. We don't see each other very often. Maybe once a year, if that, and we don't talk very often, either. But I have been putting off calling him for a long time now, and a large part of that is because I'm worried about coming out to him. I feel like I'm making a bigger deal of this than it needs to be. I believe that being bi isn't the most important part of who I am, but as it's something I'm still coming to terms with, it seems to be all I think about and I want to share this news with my family and friends. Problem is, my dad is super conservative. I know there are people who can be conservative and pro gay rights at the same time, but he's made some disparaging/disgusted remarks about bisexaul people in the past (would put them here if I remembered them. It was a while ago, before I knew I was bi, but even then they made me really uncomfortable). He's also had absolutely no problem with some of his friends saying really racist or homophobic comments. When confronted about why he was okay with his friends being that rude and offensive, he didn't exactly support their behavior, but he also didn't understand why that behavior would offend me and the rest of my family. I think he's really uncomfortable around people who are different than him. My dad and I aren't very close. He's not an awful dad, he's just... well, he's more of a buddy than a dad. He's great to go get a beer and see a movie with, but has never gone any deeper than that. I don't remember the last time we had a serious conversation about anything that went well. But I want him to be a part of my life, and I'd like for him to know I'm bi before I get a girlfriend. Would you bother coming out at all? If so, how would you do it? Thank you.
If it's important to you to come out, and it sounds like it is, then do it! If anything, the fact that you aren't very close to your dad should make it easier. If he were a huge part of your life, then if he reacted badly (breaking off connections, etc.) it would be a bigger deal. But in the worst possible scenario, he'd just stop talking to you and that would be that. Having said that, I understand it sucks to have a family member reject you. When I came out to my dad, I was really really paranoid in a similar fashion, although my dad isn't conservative. What I did was send him a lengthy email enumerating all of my opinions/proofs regarding my sexuality and so forth. That way I had time to build up courage to send the thing while I was typing it up and I didn't feel like I was being put on the spot because I gave myself plenty of time to write it up and contemplate whether the wording was perfect. If writing an email/letter isn't your style, then maybe you should tell him face to face. Try to have some preplanned answers to questions he's likely to ask, and maybe even preplan how you'll come out. Or you could be spontaneous whichever is more comfortable. In the end, it's how you feel about it. If you want him to know, then tell him. If you don't want him to know, then don't tell him. How he reacts is his problem and not yours, especially since he's not directly influencing your life as it is. Hope I helped, INTERWEBS HUG (*hug*)
The worst possible scenario is pretty awful. Though we're not close and I've come to terms with the fact that he cares more about his friends than his kids, I still want a relationship with him. The e-mail is a good idea, especially since I have no idea when I'll see him again. We don't live in the same state. Thank you for the support and advice.
