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I'm struggling with reactions and need some advice

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Reapy, Nov 21, 2013.

  1. Reapy

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    Hi, I'm a 29 year old, bisexual, single mother in England, I came out as Bisexual years ago and everyone accepted it without so much as a "are you sure you're not just confused?". As a bi woman I've always had a choice of sorts and, I'm ashamed to say, I picked the easiest route. I purposely ignored my preference toward women and dated men, some of them I had no real romantic interest in. Earlier this year mother nature took over and forced the issue. I no longer feel anything romantic towards men, I am even turned off by the thought of being with a man.

    I'm feeling naïve for thinking that the people that so readily accepted my bisexuality would be equally accepting of my homosexuality. I guess their initial reactions wrapped me in a bubble of sorts too, because I've come to realise I am far from emotionally ready to deal with some of the reactions I've had.

    Some friends are happy for me, some are just quietly accepting, some have completely vanished and some have assumed I now want to sleep with them.

    I didn't expect Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy, but some of the people that are the most uncomfortable are people I've been friends with for 10-20 years. These girls are childhood friends, they grew up with me and I've never once tried to hit on them or make things awkward. I simply wasn't prepared for their attitudes to it all.

    To make matters worse my female boss found out via some mutual connections and her attitude is starting to really upset me. If I'm nice, offer to make a cuppa or smile I'm told "I'm flattered, but I don't do girls." She's happily married with children, I would never dream of hitting on her, even if I thought she was interested. It's doubly upsetting because we used to be quite friendly, there was a good level of banter and gossip, but she avoids me as much as possible now.

    My parents don't know, I'm 80% sure my mum would be ok with it, but my dad.... My dad and his family are catholic. This has the potential to cause a massive diplomatic issue within the family and I just don't know if I can face telling them.

    I just.... I just need someone that's been here to, truthfully, tell me it's going to get easier. Because right now, I'm wishing I didn't tell anyone and just chose to stay single.
     
  2. BookDragon

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    As for your boss, make it quite clear you have no interest in her what-so-ever and if she continues, go over her head and make a complaint about her conduct. There's no getting around it, she is treating you differently because of your sexuality.
     
  3. SixesAndSevens

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    Well you've done everything you can by telling your friends. Now the ball is in their court and you find out who your true friends are. The old phrase "time heals all wounds" comes to mind and even though it's not always true, some people doubtless come around in the end.

    As for your boss, it's such a shame some people have to be like that. It's surely a sign of her own insecurities that she behaves like that.

    Try not to dwell too much on the bad aspects and think of the people who have accepted you for who you are. They too might be able to help you through some of the more difficult times. Most importantly, don't worry too much as bad situations can and will always get better, either on their own or with a bit of a push by you!
     
  4. sldanlm

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    I don't know if this relates to straight peoples feeling toward bisexuality vs. lesbians, but when I was a teenager, 2 girls were publically making out in school. Everyone was whooping and hollering like it was great, except for the principal. One of the girls got a visit from some boys when she was at home, and they all wanted to party with her. They assumed she was bisexual, and thought that was pretty cool, because in their mind that made her a slut. She wasn't a slut, and she wasn't bisexual either. When she told them that she didn't want to "party" with them, they got very upset. Of course you're talking about adults reactions though.

    As far as your Dad being catholic, pretty much all traditional religions are against homesexuality to some degree. the current Pope seems better than the previous ones. My former partners family was Catholic, but they accepted the situation fairly well. She was afraid of his reaction initially when he found out, but he just shrugged. He showed us an old British car he had, and said it was wired positive ground, instead of negative ground. He said it was a great car, and that it was just wired differently.
     
  5. Double Eagle

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    She is practicing work related sexual harassment. She shouldn't comment on your sexuality period!
     
  6. Lolachan

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    That's absolutely shameful about your boss! I would be tempted to say something cheeky like, "Well, I would never date anyone in the office--it's so unprofessional." Let her infer what she may.

    How long has it been for the long time friends? Are we talking days, weeks, months? Perhaps they need some time to process this new aspect of you. This really could be more about them, and dealing with what they thought they knew about you.
     
  7. Robben

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    You can't force sexual orientation on anyone regardless of gender preference. When I came out to my mom she felt she was too involved in my sex life, and said it's fine but that she might ask to stay out. I've had a similar experience being flirty on the job sight. The more explanations you have to give, the more questions they're likely to come up with. I would suggest doing more research until your feet are firmly planted in the Earth. There is a lot of acceptance in the LGBT community but remember we are still a minority and we don't know when homophobia will raise it's weary head.
     
  8. lovely lesbian

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    That is awful about your boss! Just because you are bi does. Mean you want to sleep with every woman you meet which is what might happen and as for your friends their choice to walk away is shameful xx
     
  9. Reapy

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    You may have misunderstood my post, or maybe I'm misunderstanding yours, hun, but I'm not forcing anything on anyone. All I've said to those I've come out to is "I'm no longer attracted to men" I've not gone into sordid details nor have I even started dating (Mainly because I'm a single mother, have very limited me time and don't enjoy night clubs). So I don't understand what you mean by forcing gender preference, could you elaborate for me?
    And I'm definitely not flirting in the work place. Where I come from saying good morning or offering to make everyone a cup of coffee when I put the kettle on doesn't constitute flirting. I could understand my bosses attitude if I were doing something other than existing to provoke it.

    Thank you all though, for offering support xx

    I'm hesitant to take anything to my bosses boss, because it's just a small charity shop, connected to a family charity that my daughter and I use and I need the experience and work reference from them (I was out of work for some time raising my daughter and this was the first step to me becoming employable).

    I started to tell close friends (that I knew would have no issue with my sexuality) about a month ago after 8 months of serious soul searching. Others I told about a week ago so they could still be trying to fit everything together.
     
  10. oneday004

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    I think you boss may have underlying issues..... she could only hope you would come on to her