My son (19) and I were talking and he was able to let me know he is gay. He says he has known since he was thirteen. He has let one other person know who is a close friend of his. He said he was afraid to tell me because he was afraid that I would be disappointed in him. I told him I could be no more disappointed in him as if he was born with brown eyes and that I love him. He says he doesn't want to be gay. I want to help him find a way for him to accept and be happy for who he is. That is why I'm here. For some guidance. He has told me that he has romantic idea with girls. But sexual with men. but that he is not confused that he is gay. He has not had any experience with either men or women not even a first kiss yet. Also he has Aspbergers Syndrome (for those not familiar with this it is in the Autism family but very high functioning) his maturity level is maybe around 14 or 15 right now. Some times even younger.He doesn't want me to tell any family members. So I promised I won't and told him that it should come from him when he is ready. So this is why I am here to learn and see how I can guide him. I've told him, he needs to be happy with himself. He has to be able to said I like who I am.
WOW. I love you. That you are willing to come here to help your son accept himself means so much. Your son is a very lucky guy. And welcome (*hug*) . You have found a REALLY good thing in this place. I told my mom quite a while ago and my dad just a few months ago. They were both very accepting, like you. In that time, I told some friends and my brother. That in itself helped me accept myself a lot. I'm sixteen now, and pretty much knew when I was twelve. I went through a short period of denial. I had the same idea as your son, that I would never want a romantic relationship with another guy, they were just nice to look at :lol: I have long since abandoned that idea, and now there is nothing I want more than a romantic relationship with a guy. I am in the same boat, experience wise, as your son. The main way I accepted my being gay was finding outside sources that said that being gay was okay. Seeing it accepted on tv, coming here, successful coming outs, and many other positive gay influences all played a factor in accepting myself. I hope you find lots of help here and I hope your son accepts himself. It does a world of good. The fact that he has told you will help him a lot, I think. It shows (to you and himself) that he is sure about this and that the world won't fall apart if someone knows. Brenton PS-Would it be a good idea for him to join here? I know it helped me a lot. He would be able to relieve his need to speak openly and comfortably about being gay here.
Hi "Mom" - welcome to EC! It's great to see you here, and to read your message. I am delighted you have accepted your son for who he is. Sadly not all parents are so understanding and some can be extremely hostile, as you will see from some of the posts here (such as this recent thread). So thank you for accepting this so well, and for looking for support for your son. I am sure some of our teenage members would be able to say what sort of support and help they would feel comfortable receiving from their parents in this situation. As I am sure you realise, trying to offer too much support can backfire!
It's difficult to say what to do. Form my limited knowledge of Aspberger's Syndrome, all I can say is take your cues from him as to what you need to do. With him being able to approach you and come to terms with his feelings, desires, he's further along than some I've met with Aspberger's. Was he able to keep communication when you two were talking, or did he, at times, seem to clam up and retreat? Forgive me for being presumptuous, but perhaps a chat with his psychiatrist may help. He or she may know of groups in which your son could become involved. I think most importantly for him, now, would be developing a social network, support structure. The main thing for him right now is to socialize with like people. From there he will see that it is O.K. to be how he is.
Thank you for the response so far. I know with my son that I will need to not broach the subject directly for a few days. Telling me was a big step for him. I can not go the psychiatrist route as he has had bad experiences with them in the past and will only go to see them for medication. I will see if I can find maybe a teen/young adult support group and mention it to him. Several times over the course of a few months to see if he is ready to make that connection. First I will let him know I am going to research this so he does not feel I am betraying his trust. Again any suggestion are of course still very much welcomed. I'm hoping he will feel comfortable in joining this form. The one thing that I do have going is my son feels free to talk to me about almost most everything. Well at least that is how I feel. But I'm just a mom and I know you don't tell you mom everything
*strobe lights* Woooo!! The mom-factor. Sweet deal.(!) (That's Kyle for "Hey, welcome, you're a very noble mother for taking this step in helping your son's wellbeing.") And we will welcome your son here just as we have welcomed you. I hope you have found your short stay pleasant. I do recommend, that you search for such organisations such as PFLAG, which is pretty unanimusly (that is SO spelled wrong) accepted as a respectable organization. Definetely a community like this one where it is through a computer screen rather than him having to actually adjust to the awkwardness of meeting in person. But you never know face-to-face might be for him. Everyone's different that's a decision for you and your son to make together. I hope this maybe helped a bit, and again, kudoos for being such a supportive mother and taking action for your son's wellbeing.(*hug*)
