Ok so I wanna tell my mom. The thing is, I'm still completely Dependent on them, well I'm only 16. I don't wanna tell my dad, just my mom. My mom has said before that (When i story comes on the news or something) That's its not our fault, we were born this way. Idk how she feels about it, just that one line is all i have. How did you guys do it? Thanks guys.
I wrote my mom a letter because I was going out of the country without her for three weeks. But I seriously recommend writing her a letter, and including the fact that you don't want your dad to know. She seems pretty accepting, but before you tell her, I'd bring up homosexuality in a conversation, like "oh, did you hear same-sex marriage is legal in California now?" Something like that. That's a safe way...I guess you'd say. One warning, though, and this comes from personal experience. Don't, I repeat, don't come out to your mom during an arguement, don't yell "I'm gay" at her, that doesn't solve anything, and she might say something she doesn't mean and will later regret. That's how I came out to my dad, and trust me, it wasn't fun at all. Good luck and keep us updated.
Hi! I haven't come out to my parents yet, but from the sounds of it, I think your mom would be accepting. She would also be a great resource in helping you to come out to your dad at a later stage. If you are not completely sure about how she feels about it, and as Trumpetplyer23 suggested, try bringing up the topic of homosexuality in a general conversation and see how it goes. If you do decide to tell her, try finding a good time to tell her, maybe when she is not too busy or not in a rush. She might have some questions or concerns and you should also give her the time to respond to them or talk to you about them. I imagine you must be nervous about it. If you are nervous what might help is writing your thoughts down first before telling her. Have some PFLAG material ready for her as well, just in case. You could also ask Becky and Louise for further suggestions. I hope this helps! Good Luck!
Tokarov i am feeling you completely right now. Neither of my parents know either, well my mom might now, but she hasnt let me know that she knows...ANYWAY. Yeah i dont want my dad to know at all and i have no desire to tell him. So im waiting for my mom to move out of our house, away from my dad, to tell her. Im doing that because without my dad in the picture anymore, i know that her stress will be mostly gone, and you dont want to bring up something this big when your mother is under stress, otherwise itll be treated more like a burden than a truth. But yea I think if we just like ease it in and not just throw it at them, they'll be ok with it. Because like you im not so sure how exactly my mom feels about us, i mean i know she's not anti gay, but still idk. I do know however that our moms love us and if we just be honest and gentle about it, they'll be ok and accepting of it. So yeah best of luck with you, i hope we can get through this ^^
I was gonna tell her while we went shopping today. But I couldn't say it. I kept telling myself to just say it over and over again, but I couldn't say it. I think I'll take the advice and write a letter. I don't even know WHAT to say though, or when to give it to her. Man, coming out to parents is stressful. :bang:
Make sure you feel it's the right time, and when you have that confidence, you can do it. She sounds like she will take it alright, though . Good luck!
Tokarov, she's going to take it just fine. I can tell right now. I honeslty suggest writing her a letter (handwritten, not typed--it will seem more real) and just give it to her before you go out of the house for a while (for summer school or a job or whatever). Just keep your cool. You can do this. We all believe in you! (&&&)
Yeah, I'm only 15 and I haven't told my parents either. I'm waiting until I get into a relationship with a guy. I actually surprisingly feel more comfortable coming out to my dad than my mom. My mom is ULTRA conservative, and I think my dad will be more understanding. I have nothing against conservatives, they just tend to dislike homosexuality more. Writing a letter sounds like a great plan, I'll probably do the same. *Hugs* Good Luck~Colton
Hi Tokarov. No worries. It's okay if you couldn't say it. Another opportunity or moment will arise. Not being able to tell your mom might be a sign that you are not ready yet. You will know when you're ready. If you feel that writing a letter instead will help, go for it! Becky posted the following quote on the "Before Coming Out to Your Parents...." thread. It might give you some ideas as to what you could say/write to your mom: I hope this helps!
I think you should tell her. If you are going to write a letter don't worry about what to say because once you start writing the words will just flow out of you and as far as when to give it to her, do it when you feel like it's the right time (you'll know when it gets here) but no matter how you do it you're still going to feel nervous. I came out to my parents in 2 different letters and the letter to my mom I wrote 6 months before I got up the nerve to give it to her! Hopefully you'll do better than that! lol! It will be ok. Good luck! and tell us how it goes.
When i came out, my sister had jokingly said "Paul are you gay?" And i decided to tell my mom face to face. I think if you know your mom's stance on gay rights/whatnot, coming out face to face might be a good idea, because its a bit more personal. A letter might be a better idea if you think she is going to start throwing things. If you decide to come out in person, dont come out in a busy place. I made that mistake with a friend, and came out at school. It was really awkward for the rest of the day (and it was a catholic school). Just be somewhere you can be prepared to have a real conversation with her about it. Anticipate some questions she might ask, and think about some answers. (one that might be very prevalent is "are you sexually active". Overall, our parents love us and want the best for us, despite what we think their intentions are usually benevolent.
It's probably harder coming out to your parents than anyone else, but it certainly seems like your mom will take it o.k. If you and your mom are close,she probably already suspects that you are gay, and maybe she is just waiting for you to tell her. Once you do,it will feel like a big load has been lifted off of you. Having said that,I caution you that her initial reaction may not be totally positive,because most parents worry that being gay will make their kid's life harder. But once she realizes that you are being true to yourself,I don't think she will have any trouble accepting it. She can really help you if or when you decide to tell your dad. Good luck and best wishes! mojoe
I'm also afraid because, she and my dad are getting into church ALOT now. They go every sunday, and force me along (i dont believe in god) and I'm afraid that their learning to hate me. That the more they read the bible and the more they listen to that stuff, they will hate me when I tell them.
Listen Tokarov, i know what you feel- you do feel stressed. No matter what way you do it, i believe your mom will be fine with it- my mom's not much of a churchgoer, but she has the basic belief in her heart, and she still accepted me and said the same thing your mom said.
Hi Tokarov. Although your parents go to church and read the bible this does not mean that they will hate you when you come out to them. There are a lot of people who go to church and read the bible on a regular basis but don't view homosexuality as evil or as a sin. From what you have said, it seems that your mom is okay with homosexuality and understands that being gay is not a choice in that we didn't wake up one morning and decided to be gay. This is who we are. I'm sure your parents are not going to hate you. Take your time. I'm sure your parents are going to be fine with it.
you don't even have to say "mom, im gay"... chances are that she kinda already knows. i'm sure if you say something like "mom, theres something i need to tell you" that might be the push that lets her confront you about it. From the sounds of it, you have a great opportunity ahead of you. you have the chance to have the closest relationship ever. the gay son and mother bond is one of the closest of all the relationships. unfortunately not everyones ends up that way. the fact that your out to friends is a step in the right direction ~Trey
I didn't have to come out to my mom, she already knew. She kind of just told me she knew and I couldn't really deny it. There is a good possibility that she has an idea already. She is your mother, and is in tune and pays attention to things that you wouldn't expect her to. So, if you come out to her, she seems to be accepting enough. Plus, she may already have an idea, so it may not be a complete surprise. Dads are different, and you should only come out to her if you reall think she'll respect your wishes and keep it from your father. Good Luck!
