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How to know when you can come out to someone?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by SecretlyASloth, Nov 22, 2013.

  1. SecretlyASloth

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    There is someone who I'm on the fence about telling that I'm gay. Do any of you have certain criteria, or important questions I should ask myself before I do anything?

    Background info: I used to like this guy, but I now only see him as a friend. He's been bothering me for a while about who I like, and I've sort of been avoiding using gender pronouns, not being specific, etc...

    My trusted friend told me that I was not obligated to tell him anything, which I completely agree. I'm hoping that my mind is playing weird games with itself.

    Please be nice :slight_smile: I'm very confused and a little frustrated as to what to do and I appreciate any advice.
     
  2. TJ

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    Just wait until you feel as if he is a trusted friend, or at least a trusted classmate.
    If it comes up in conversation, just tell him. Unless you really feel the need to spout it out, there's no need to draw unnecessary attention to it. I'm sure if you are close friends you'll tell him soon enough.
     
  3. Silver Sparrow

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    I don't think there are mandatory criteria, just think about some of the possible situations. What do you want to do if he reacts horribly? But yeah, you don't have to tell him anything you don't feel comfortable telling him.
     
  4. musicrebel

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    I guess when you know you can come out to someone is when you realize you can trust the person you want to tell. The first person I came out to was my best friend when I was 14. It took me a while to even tell her because I was frightened at how she'd respond. Turns out, she wasn't really surprised because I guess I hinted at my sexuality quite often. It was after telling her that I started opening up to people I felt comfortable sharing it with.
    Trusting someone/someone trusting you makes a very big impact on how you come out to them. It feels so much better having at least one person know about you.
     
  5. jargon

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    You're allowed to be out to anyone and everyone you feel like being out to. The only criteria is whether you want to be out to that person, and feel safe telling them.
     
  6. lovely lesbian

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    Come out to who you want make sure you can trust them because you don't want to come out to someone and then they broadcast it to the world and his wife.
     
  7. Yossarian

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    If it is important to YOU for him to know, and you are comfortable with the possibility that soon everyone at your school might find out what you tell him, either by casual slip of the tongue or unintentional disclosure, then tell him when you are ready. Otherwise, continue to be non-committal about your sexuality, as many people your age are, and it will not seem that unusual to anyone. You do not need to label yourself to the world at large at your age, unless it is very important to YOU.