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How to come out and announce my engagement to a very sweet but homophobic grandma?!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Pupadoodledoo, Nov 23, 2013.

  1. Pupadoodledoo

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    Hi everyone, this is my very first post on this forum, so hello and hope you're all well!

    My question is: how do I tell my grandma that I am in love with a woman and engaged and planning to get married next year?

    We told my parents today, they were very, very happy :thumbsup: for us and that was really lovely, but they also said it's time to tell your grandparents, because you can't really NOT invite them to the wedding. I think they're right and I would like to have the grandparents there, but to be honest I am very worried about it.

    I actually have two grandmas and one grandpa... but I am most worried about telling my paternal grandma as I know she is a bit homophobic and quite traditional. :eek: The other difficulty is communication - she has been completely deaf for about 40 years... we talk through a mixture of sign supported english, finger-spelling, lipreading and occasionally writing things down for her.

    I really don't know how to tell her what's going on... She has met my fiancée twice (my fiancée actually loved her), but I have only introduced her as a friend so far...

    I love all my grandparents, but I don't like the idea of making them angry, upset, uncomfortable or disappointed. :bang:

    Does anyone have any advice or maybe personal experience with a similar situation they can share? I could really use some different ideas and perspectives!

    Thank you very much in advance. :help: :help: :help:
     
  2. BookDragon

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    Re: How to come out and announce my engagement to a very sweet but homophobic grandma

    The only thing I can think of is to really pour your feelings into a letter, assuming she can actually read it, and sit with her while she reads it. You never know, she might decide that seeing the smile on her grandchilds face is worth giving up a pointless viewpoint she never thought to question!
     
  3. Silver Sparrow

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    Re: How to come out and announce my engagement to a very sweet but homophobic grandma

    Firstly, congratulations and welcome to EC!
    Have you any idea why your grandma is homophobic (religion, politics, etc)?
    I agree with Holly, you could certainly try writing a letter saying you are getting married. You could also first say you want to spend the rest of your life with your fiancee, and marriage is the best way to do that. Hopefully your grandma will realize you are more important than her outdated beliefs. Does your grandma like your fiancee?
     
  4. Pupadoodledoo

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    Re: How to come out and announce my engagement to a very sweet but homophobic grandma

    Thank you ElliaOtaku and Silver Sparrow.

    A letter sounds like a good idea. I have written a first draft letter now and am going to see what my mum thinks.

    I don't think I will sit with my grandma while she reads it though. I think it would be better if she could read it in her own time and have time to process the information before she reacts.

    I can't predict what's going to happen, but it's something I need to do, so I will do it! I think my grandma likes my fiancée but I haven't explicitly asked her!

    Thanks again for your help. (&&&)
     
  5. csm123

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    Re: How to come out and announce my engagement to a very sweet but homophobic grandma

    Hi and welcome

    I totally understand,my grandma was 90 when I told her I was gay and I was terrified of letting her down and making her feel disappointed in me.

    Her response was as much a shock as a relief,she said that she thought I might be gay from being about 5 but wasn't quite sure.She then proceeded to tell me that some people are born that way,always have been and always will be,just to make sure that I am happy.

    After that response from a 90 year old I now tend to think that sometimes our grandparents have lived long enough to have seen it all before and it takes more to shock them than we realise.

    Good luck
     
  6. Pupadoodledoo

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    Re: How to come out and announce my engagement to a very sweet but homophobic grandma

    Thanks for sharing your story csm123. That's great that your grandma was so supportive and understanding.

    I have decided to tell my grandparents tonight at my parents house over dinner. I'm still going to give one of my grandmas the letter but I changed my mind - I will be there while she reads it after all... That way we can talk about it after if she wants to.

    I'm not bringing my fiancée to this dinner, but at least I will get to go home to her love and support afterwards whatever happens!

    Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts, greatly appreciated.
    :thumbsup:
     
  7. musicgirl18

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    Re: How to come out and announce my engagement to a very sweet but homophobic grandma

    Okay, I can't really help with your problem, since I struggle with the same ones. :frowning2: But, I did want to congratulate you on your marriage/engagement. :grin: That's so awesome, and I'm glad that you found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. :slight_smile:
     
  8. Pupadoodledoo

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    Re: How to come out and announce my engagement to a very sweet but homophobic grandma

    Thank you musicgirl18!

    It seemed to go pretty well! They all congratulated me and said mazel tov! :eusa_clap

    Scary thing to do, but I'm glad I did it!

    Thanks again for everyone's support :icon_bigg
     
  9. Foster

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    Re: How to come out and announce my engagement to a very sweet but homophobic grandma

    Congratulations on your engagement! =)
     
  10. Pupadoodledoo

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    Re: How to come out and announce my engagement to a very sweet but homophobic grandma

    Thank you Foster!
     
  11. phoebe

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    Re: How to come out and announce my engagement to a very sweet but homophobic grandma

    Firstly CONGRATULATIONS! i love it when i hear about us being able to get married! i am so excited for you!!!1 why don't you pour you feelings into a letter? it woulld be brilliant if she could be there for you!