I've been married to my wife for 7 years with whom I have two children with and a step daughter. My step daughters recent teenage behavior has overloaded me as a person. I knew I was bisexual since I was a teenager. I had another encounter when I was 21. I have been with dozens of women and only two men before marriage and I love my wife very much. When I was with a man I dressed like a woman and I loved it. I felt wanted and desired, but after both encounters my partners claimed drunken black out and remember nothing. This is the first time I've ever said it. I think I was content being miserable. With all the new stress from my daughter driving a wedge in my life these needs to feel wanted are too much. I asked my wife for a divorce because I'm not happy and I just feel like a paycheck. I threw all the blame on her and she was devastated. We agreed to work on things for a while. She is an angel and I feel like I verbally abused her and beat her down mentally. I can't keep this inside any more. Last night we made love and I lived out my fantasies with her but with the roles reversed. I gave her what I wanted and even said and did some things I really regret now. Since I've been glued to my phone searching for answers on line she thinks I'm having an affair especially with what happened last night. She's questioning the new moves. I can't do this to her any more. This is my problem and I feel like I'm blaming her. She is so beautiful and I love her so much and I can't get over this. Does any one have any advice please?
Im not sure where the stress of your daughter and your sexuality fit. Be sure you really want to give up your wife to be with a man. Can you solve your troubles with your daughter, with counselling. Ask yourself if you still lover and you still have sex why do you want to leave. Verbally abusing her is not a help either. Just trying to help, best of luck t o you
Hi there, and welcome to EC! From what you have mentioned, it seems that there are a lot of things going on at the same time, which seem to reenforce different frustrations and perhaps ideas about what your life could look like. If you feel that the time has come to speak with her about your sexual orientation, then try to find a moment where you can have that conversation with her, and be open with her about your thoughts, and about the things that you regret at this moment. You know that she already has some questions of her own, and that could be a good way into the conversation. What might help, is to write out all of your thoughts and the things you would like to say to her first. When you ask yourself, as to whether you are ready to have that conversation with her, how do you feel?
My step daughter has decided that I am in the way of her real father. We were happy for years, she went to counseling and now she hates me. I yelled at her over "teenage attitude" stuff and sent her to her room. She called her my wife at work and told her I hit her. My wife called me like she was a hostage negotiator and told me not to go near her. When she got home my daughter told her the truth, but my wife still looked at me like I was a monster. It took two months before I asked for the divorce. My wife barely looked at me, thats when I started thinking about it again, before I asked for the divorce. But know I feel like I gave her the problem without all the info. ---------- Post added 24th Nov 2013 at 04:47 PM ---------- I feel like this is my problem and with all of my added stress I lashed out at her in a really sick way. My last experience was enjoyed but a little rough. It was all a heat of the moment thing.
If I tell her and she gets mad and leaves and tells everyone I will lose my kids my job and my house.I work for a family owned construction company that is not gay friendly. My family works throughout the same industry and I will be black balled.
Hi there! You have to decide what is the best way forward for you. As said, it seems that there are separate issues going on, though yet they feed each other. If you leave things as they are, they will just build up, and create even more stresses on you. I think the best approach would be then to start building a support network that you can rely on, if and when you need to. I might also want to think about perhaps looking into another job in the construction or a related industry so that you don't have to worry about your financial situation when you do decide to come out, and should she lash out in the way you have described. (*hug*)
I'm in year 5 of an apprenticeship program with two associates in the field starting over in a new career isn't a very viable option. ---------- Post added 24th Nov 2013 at 05:38 PM ---------- Never mind I don't think anyone here can give me the answers I'm looking for. I really messed up and I feel terrible, but I did this to myself. Thanks for the advice though.
Ideally you would be kept on by the company after you have completed your apprenticeship with them, but given what you have mentioned, I'd encourage you think about other employers/positions you could apply to after you have completed your apprenticeship. Even though you might not be ready to talk with your partner about everything, I would suggest that you start building a support network, which could include different support groups, LGBT social groups and/or a therapist.
I agree with others here, you have a lot of separate issues you are struggling with. 1) your step daughter 2) trust between you and your wife 3) your sexuality You have got to make a decision to move forward in your life in a positive way. It is very easy to just chuck a grenade into what seems like an unfixable situation, but I think you have a lot to lose here, and don't want to. Try to look at this as a problem that you can fix, if you have the right tools. It sounds like you and your step daughter have a poor relationship, and she may have issues that impact other family members. Think about counseling between her, your wife, and you. You need to get to a place where you all trust each other; the whole incident about "hitting her" highlights a lack of trust and a huge power play that is not going to get better. Her own father--is he in the picture? A positive force? Teens can lash out when they are at their most miserable, so try very hard to see things from her POV. She may be very unhappy, may be missing her Dad, may be dealing with other issues. As to your wife...you seem like you truly want to remain married. But I think your relationship has to be about more than being a paycheck. Even if you are not ready to discuss your sexual identity, it sounds like you want to remain with her. Think about couples counseling; even if you cannot afford that, try to remember that a relationship with your wife needs time, and space away from the kids, so that you can talk, and understand each other. You should feel like you are part of a team, and right now it sounds like you are not. This is the paragraph where I caution you against "honesty." Yes, it might be "honest" to say, "I feel like a paycheck" but is it constructive? Will it help your relationship move forward? Learn to listen, be gentle, really consider her side, and think hard about what you want, and how to get there. Even better, how to get there so that she is helping you get there, and you are both working together. If you and your wife are closer, more trusting, I think this will help in dealing with the step daughter, who clearly sees a breach in your relationship. If you are a unified team, you can parent your own kids, and her more effectively, and more lovingly. Finally, your sexuality. I would really encourage you to sort out the other problems first. That way, if you choose to tell your wife, you might be close enough and at a level of honesty that the best case scenario is that she accepts you for who you are, and sees a place for herself in your life. The worst case scenario--again, if you've done the hard work that building relationships takes--is that she does not accept you, but you still retain ties to your children, and part amicably, if that is the case.
