I've already caused so much pain to my family... my family does not believe that you are born gay and believe that it is a choice. When I told my sister last week she did not react well, and said she is heartbroken for me. Worse is, she is pregnant and is worried all this stress I've brought upon may miscarriage the baby. When she said that, my heart broke. I am now overcome with guilt. If anything were to happen to that baby, I will feel like it is all my fault. I am so full of guilt now
Hey CaptainJackz, welcome to EC! First of all, this sounds very much like manipulation. The possibility that the stress of her knowing that you are gay will cause a miscarriage is extremely remote. Fact is, they disagree with your "lifestyle" and will use any excuse to justify their behaviour. Your only (rational) response is as follows: "I'm sorry you believe that my being gay will cause you to miscarry your child, I'm certain my being gay will also be responsible for the next couple of tornadoes in the mid-west, and maybe an earthquake or two. Nevertheless, I am gay and I can't change that, so sorry that you disagree, goodbye."
She is grieving about this. I think she meant it more as the hurting and stress I've brought upon by TELLING her I was gay would harm the baby. Because she is a wreck. She said she's never felt more miserable in her life.
Don't feel guilty for being who you are. Its her choice if she wants to take it badly, and if that stress causes her baby to miscarry, thats her fault and not yours. Sounds harsh, but don't try to pin negativity on yourself beacuse other people are bigoted.
Quote by greatwhale HA HA OMG don't forget about all the soldiers in Iraq that God let die because of us gay people. (according to that lovely Westboro Church) CaptainJackZ, I don't really like that way you worded your first sentence. That word 'already' suggests past tense and that you may've come up with some drastic plan to keep their pain in the past and not let it continue. You're not planning suicide are you? If you're worried about what being gay could do to your sister's baby, think about what your death, or you moving away or leaving where they can't find you could do. You were born gay, thats not a belief or an opinion, thats a fact. I'm gay myself, I know this, I know its true. You are the person who are meant to be. You shouldn't feel guilty for being who you are anymore than anyone else should feel guilty for being who they are. Its your sister who SHOULD BE feeling guilty for laying that kind of inescapable, codependant, dysfunctional family guilt on you that you have absolutely no control over. What if that baby really did miscarry? --chances are it'd be one of a hundred different things besides what she said, but there'd always be enough doubt there to keep you miserable and her angry and cause a chasm in your relationship for the rest of your lives. Its just wrong of her to make you feel responsible for her situation because she can't handle your being gay. Thats her problem, not yours. Same as with the rest of your family, if they can't handle it, if they aren't compassionate enough to still love you, thats their problem. Why? Because you have a choice. Like everyone else, you can let your being gay be your excuse for not living a happy life. Or you can chose to let it be the best part of your life. Your ability to love someone is not a mistake, its a gift from God. I really hope your family comes around and accepts and loves you for the person you are. You deserve that back from them for all the love you've given them. If they can't, theres A LOT of lonely people here in this world, they'd be happy to have your company and friendship and give you the love you are entitled to. GOOD LUCK
2013.11.25 Dear unknown stranger, but most of all FRIEND! Please, do NOT permit anybody to make You feel ashamed and guilty for beeing honest about Your orientation. This may seem like nonsens, but do try to stand up for Yourself and Your values - no matter what! I am convinced Your sister an all of the kith and kin will survive perfectly fine, even after facing the fact that You happen to be gay. If not, they most certainly are quite ignorant and cruel to a member of their own family! All the very best, my lad!:eusa_clap from Gaylandlord.
Never feel guilty for being who you are. No one has the right to tell you how to live your life, family or otherwise. You are who you are and you can't change that. Never change for anybody and stay true to yourself. It might seem horrible in the short term, but in the long term the benefits will be unreal. Good luck with everything
