Who/How should I come out (to)?

Orite mate, I've been through alll you've said, with basically similar sexuality.
Though my mother's a fucking asshole about it, that's the only obstacle.

My advice on Who: Start by telling people who you know, but not too too well. Skype friends that you don't much/EVER see in person. People you are familiar with, but not people you see everyday, and only the type of person you could get by just as well WITHOUT.
Fair-weather friends, you might say.
I did it this way, to my fellow admins and moderators of a minecraft server my friend owns. The conversation went this way:

So you see, Mr. Wanderer, there will always be the assholes, and there will always be the supporters, and there will always be those friends who are no doubt friends, but who are indifferent nonetheless. Unless you're crushing on them. That's different. And beside the point.

Now, to be brutal, I was a bit miffed at 'fag' and 'boy bands' and the joke on Arcade Fire (a very good band, tbh.). I left that group for a while, (though I'm returning to it with newfound anti-hate courage) and decided to come out to my closer friends, who, luckily, were accepting. Some were even supportive. Usually, back then, when I was, pardon the term, untried at the art of coming out, I was just blunt.
"Rhiannon..."
"What?"
"Don't hate me...I'm bi."
"Why would I hate you? That is so cool!"
"You think so?"
"Yes."
You might choke on your words at first, but if you've managed to deliberate on your sexuality, then regurgitating your thoughts is...far from easy, to be completely honest.

Come out to your mom, your dad, your sister, brother, whomever first.
Hopefully, your friends aren't so homophobic maybe, just maybe, they won't care. Maybe they'll even treat you the same. I dunno.
If your school has a GSA (Gay-Straight Alliance), go to that. That sounds unlikely, being it 'homophobic' and all.
Your living in the United States of America means that any expressly homophobic behaviour by faculty or other people operating over student capacity in a school is strictly illegal, and should be reported to the superintendent as such.

So:
Start by telling people who you know, but not too too well. Fair weather friends.
There will always be the assholes, and there will always be the supporters, and there will always be those friends who are no doubt friends, but who are indifferent nonetheless. Unless you're crushing on them. That's different. And beside the point. Come out to your mom, your dad, your sister, brother, whomever first.
Hopefully, your friends aren't so homophobic maybe, just maybe, they won't care. Maybe they'll even treat you the same. I dunno.
If your school has a GSA (Gay-Straight Alliance), go to that. That sounds unlikely, being it 'homophobic' and all.
Your living in the United States of America means that any expressly homophobic behaviour by faculty or other people operating over student capacity in a school is strictly illegal, and should be reported to the superintendent as such.

Now for the How. I consider myself a bit of a debatist, a born arguer. Maybe I should become a lawyer. Hmmm. So besides being blunt and needing the heimlich maneuver after choking on a steaming hot dish of "I'm gay," here's the reverse-logic/psychology way about it.
A dash indicates me speaking; an arrow indicates the opposition's monologue.

That did happen. You can use this technique to correctly and specifically verify someone's exact views. It works for anything remotely controversial, too.
If the person disagrees, that is, takes the side you'd normally be on were you not in effective disguise, it works out like so.

So you see, Mr.Wanderer, that is how you do it.
If you're shit at debates (even nonstressful noncomplex ones like that) then go blunt, but be discreet about your bluntness. Write it on a note for your mom/parents to see. Wear rainbow bracelets, necklaces, etc., and put gay rights/pride pins on things.
Duct tape your school binder to the tune of the gay pride flag. Get creative.

If all else fails, get a boyfriend, or in absolute desperation, act gay. If you already do, then up it. If you don't, and you aren't the flamboyant stereotype fit, then comment on feminine things, drop hints, etc.

Around friends, at lunch, and outside of school, you could even try commenting on a guy. "Haha, he looks so CUTE in that!" People will stare. Be prepared for that. Don't laugh, be serious, else they'll think you're kidding. If they continue to stare, say like it was blatantly obvious, "What?? I'm bisexual!" Havoc and Chaos may ensue.

Eh, sorry about that berlin wall of text, chief. I just kept typing.
Hope I helped!

 

I totally understand. If your family or closer friends are more supportive, make it a secret thing with ONLY your mom and a couple friends or something, until you're comfortable with yourself.

On a related note, have you ever tried just saying to yourself, "I'm bisexual" and understanding it and realizing it to the deepest?
Because somehow that's what kinda affirmed it for me. Simple, yet useful.

The reverse psychology thing is definitely a gamble if:
-The person has any inkling you aren't straight.
-The person knows that the views you hold are not your real ones.
-You make any error in your speech/argument.
As with any unperfected art, I epically failed using this technique once.
I don't remember exactly what happened, but it was funny.

Surprisingly, with that great wall of china of characters, I somehow managed to omit something.

In the way of conversation starters, you could say something like (to a friend) "Did you know the inventor of the modern computer, Alan Turing, was a homosexual?" and the person might say "Huh, I had no idea." to which you say "So am I." or "Me too." or even "Did you also know that (your entire full name) who lives at (street address) in Washington, D.C., USA, born (year), winner of (science fair, Halo 3, that test your math teacher gave last year) is bisexual?" The interesting thing is that the point of that spiel is at the END, so they look puzzled until the last word.

There's just one more thing: Reactions.

I'm not sure why, but after hearing the word faggot a bazillion times, some directed at me, some not, it lost its meaning.
For instance my ex-girlfriend (we are still best friends*) wanted me to change her contact name in my phone to "bitch." Now, at first I rejected as you would imagine because that isn't a very nice thing to say, especially about a woman.
She told me she had been called it basically all her life and thought it funny.
So I did, but changed it back after realizing what might happen if my mother or a mutual friend of ours saw it.
So in spirit of ex-relationship flirting, I requested she make mine either "A LARGE FAGGOT," "A FABULOUS FLAMING FAGGOT" or simply "Faggot." She declined, probably because she's bisexual. (I told her I'd kill the next person to call her 'a lousy dyke.')
You, being recently out/not out at all, probably still take some offense.
WearyWanderer, you're a filthy faggot.
Did that hurt? I hope not.

Females will usually have the best reactions. I'm not saying all the guys you tell will be asshats about it, just that girls seem to be overall more okay with the idea. Nor am I saying no girls will reject you. But you should hope no girls reject you, because if they are OK with it or even supportive, they are suddenly your best friends in the whole entire world. I kid you not. In your group of friends, there may be asshats, definitely those indifferent friends, and maybe those supporter types. Great. But there's just one more thing.
The following may happen between you and your gay crush, (That is, as a bi guy, the guy you have a crush on, if any.) or you and any guy. I hope it doesn't. I kinda hurts.
You tell [said guy] you're bisexual. In the event he doesn't know what that means, you say you like both girls and guys, men and women. He acts okay, like he doesn't care. (Rather, 'not caring' in the way that means "this doesn't change anything." Not "I don't give a shit cause I'm unfeeling like that.")
The conversation ends, and you go about the rest of your day, making no additional contact. Days become weeks, and you wonder if he's breaking off contact with you, 'unfriending' you in a sense. You go on facebook, or wherever, and see he's blocked you. This guy's a closet homophobe. He doesn't like being homophobic, and he sees that homosexuality's just fine. But somehow he can't get over the fact that you might, somehow have feelings for him.
You might lose a friend that way. I've lost a couple. Beware of the closet homophobe, they try their hardest.

Yup, there's that thousand-foot Venezuelan waterfall. Turns out it's not a waterfall, it's an endless river of text. Sorry. :dry:
Regardless, hope I could help again : )

*We made this pact when we started dating (we knew about eachother's sexuality) that when we broke up, we'd stay friends for as long as possible. It worked. That is the best type of friend.

 

WearyWanderer... Wonderful name! Coming out is tough. It is one of the toughest things you will ever do. I have been out to my family and friends for a year (this week!) and admitting that I am gay still sticks in my throat a bit. Now, I don't know how old you are, but the longer you have kept this secret, the harder it will be to admit it to others. If you have worked hard to hide this from the world, as I did, it is a very tough thing to say.

Now, I would say that you come out to those who you are sure will support you. If your parents are as open-minded and supportive as you indicate, then that may be the way to go. Once they know, and you have their support, they can help you weather the storm of any backlash you may experience from you school or others. It is crucial to have a foundation of support. For me, I knew my parents would be the toughest people to come out to, so I told all of my friends first. I knew they had my back, and that I would be able to find somewhere to start over with them even if my parents decided to stop loving me. They didn't, thankfully, but it gave me strength knowing that my friends (and brother) had my back.

When you are talking to your Mom, she has known you longer than any human on the planet. If she doesn't already suspect you're gay/bi, then I would be greatly surprised. In terms of how of say it, it doesn't matter how you dress it up it boils down to saying one statement: "I'm Gay(Bi)", that is the only information that has to be conveyed in order to come out!

But for parents, I would sit your Mom down first, maybe take her out to lunch or something and tell her you have something important to say... Then just say it, and answer her questions. Be sure of yourself, and don't back down or apologize; this is who you are, and it is vital for both you and her that she understands this.

It will be hard, so hard, but you will feel so relieved afterward, and you will have an advocate as well. Good luck!

In terms of you friends, start with your best friend and work your way down. Once you get past a few people, then the rumor mill will take over and you must face what comes. If you are bullied or harassed, tell your parents or teachers. If your teachers give you any flack, have you parents report them. In the US, it's illegal for them to do so, just as sysreq said. You have your whole life ahead of you, you're queer and nowadays that isn't nearly the taboo it once was. You will have opportunities galore ahead of you, just press on; you can SO do this!

I wish you luck, and I wish you peace; this is all for the best.

Hugs,

TheSeeker