So, the story of today goes pretty much like this: I was just about to shower before class, when one of my kinda friends (we hung out last year, but don't really see each other much this year) texts me. "[Insert my roommates name here] says you turned gay?" Well, I of course got super pissed. This guy that my roommate told is seriously the biggest gossiper in the world. I mean I go to a huge school with over 52k people, so it's not like it's going to spread around like in high school and honestly this school is probably one of the most accepting of the LGBT community in the country. I also know that this friend is a pretty anti-gay muslim, but he's also liberal? Pretty much, I knew he was going to talk, I just hope he doesn't to these three friends specifically, but idk how often he sees them. All this of these thoughts were running through my head, so I decided to text one of my openly gay friends for advice. He pretty much said, "well you'll have to tell them eventually. You don't want to look like a liar. Don't be ashamed of yourself. If they don't like you, **** them." He was right, but I wasn't sure if I felt ready. It had been like 15 min since the friend texted me and I still hadn't responded and then I get another message from him "he wants me to clarify that you "became" gay apparently a difference." At this point I was like WTF is my roommate doing. I was quite pissed at him. I talked it out with my other friend some more, and ultimately decided that I'm not going to hide who I am for someone who quite frankly isn't that important to me. So, I said back: "Yes and no. I didn't become or turn anything. I just stopped lying to myself." He replied like 15 min later, "Umm wut " At this point, I really didn't give a :***: so I said, "It's pretty simple lol." And I haven't heard back from him in over 8 hours. So w/e :***: him (lol sorry this post is so vulgar). I ranted about it to my friends who know and are super awesome and am doing better. I'm proud that I didn't deny it, but at the same time I'm pretty pissed off that it wasn't on my terms. So I'm curious what your thoughts are on the situation. Should I talk with my roommate? If so, what do you think I should say? I will say, my roommate wasn't trying to out me or anything, he just wasn't using his brain. Sometimes he doesn't have a filter.
Hi there! It's understandable why you are feeling angry, and you have a right to feel this way at the moment. I think you could speak with your friend, and say to him, that you would like to be the one that comes out to people, when you feel ready for others to know. Tell him why you told him in the first place, and that probably you will not be trusting him in the future again (if that's the case). You could end it on the note of: "please think before you speak the next time." As you continue coming out, the news will spread, and sometimes you do lose control over what others will say. Take comfort in the fact that your school is accepting, and where most likely the response is going to be, 'so what?' I'd say your openly gay friend pretty much nailed it on confirming your sexual orientation, should somebody come up to you and ask you. It seems like you are becoming okay with doing that, which in itself speaks to that you are becoming increasingly comfortable with being more open about your sexual orientation. In other words, your friend in outing you, might have in some ways, helped you to confirm something.
Thanks for the reply! I'll definitely have a talk with my roommate. I do feel pretty good about not denying it when asked for the first time
My first thought was that you should punch him on the upper arm, hard, and then ask him what the heck was he thinking. My second thought was that it would be better if you just put some itching powder in his bed between the sheets and tell him that you may have gotten crab lice from some guy you hooked up with recently. OK, enough jokes. I think you should be proud of not denying it; it is going to make your life a whole lot simpler in the long run to be who you authentically are, with no awkward moments caused by being dishonest about your sexuality to people who really matter.
