So basically my mother found out that my best friend goes out with girls and thinks she's gay. She got so mad at that because she's really bi. She then asks me if I was gay. Am I wrong for feeling offended? I feel that she asked me simply because she thinks I'll do because of my best friend and that really pissed me off. To tap it off she kept asking me questions on gay related topics. When one of my friends was talking about a bi girl she turned to me and was like 'how exactly do they decide who they're going to be attracted to'. Was it wrong lying to her?
If it's a potentially unsafe or unwelcoming environment at your house or if you aren't ready for them to know yet, then no it's not wrong to lie.
I don't think parents should ask. They should just wait for their kids to approach them. I find that parents who bluntly ask tend to bulls in china shops all the way around. The only issue parents should be concerned about, regardless of gender and sexual preference, is the transmission of STIs. They can give a general admonishment to this effect. You were fine lying to her. You are entitled to your privacy if your parent is meddlesome.
For some reason, many parents and kids are still in the "don't ask, don't tell" era. We need to move all parents into the "It's OK to be gay" era that the legal system is slowly evolving into in terms of civil rights, but we aren't there yet. You have to base your actions on which era your parents are living in, to keep yourself as safe and functional as you can in the context you have to live in. If your parents ask what your orientation is, and you don't feel that you can safely answer the question honestly, then answer it evasively, with "I don't have strong feelings for boys or girls yet, so I don't know." Most parents will happily run away from the issue as soon as they hear you aren't about to do anything they consider an immediate concern.
You make good points, as you often do, Yossarian. However, in most cases, DADT is better than the out-of-the-blue, confrontational approach. Change will be slow to come. As long as there are red states, conservatives, parents who want to raise jocks and debutantes, and religious types, there will always be some parents who won't be as supportive as they can be.
I think you missed an opportunity to come out, but only if you're ready for it. Otherwise, you're fine. Coming out is a process that everyone takes at their own pace. In a perfect world no one would ever need to hide who they have feelings for and are attracted to, but this isn't a perfect world clearly. At some point you will have to tell the truth though, so that's something to keep in mind. As long as you're willing to be open and honest about your journey and why you decided to conceal it from her now, then I'm sure she'll understand when that moment actually does come.
No, you aren't wrong for feeling offended. Your feelings are your feelings. Ugh-- how they decide who they're going to be attracted to? THATS NOT HOW LIFE WORKS I don't think it was wrong of you to lie to her. From your post, it doesn't seem like you were ready. Good luck! I don't think I understand what you mean by "because she's really bi". Does your friend actually identify as bi? Does your mother think your bestie is gay, but your bestie is actually bi?
My bestie idenify herself as bi but because she mainly seems to go with girls people assume she's gay
