Heya, So, since I’ve learnt to accept myself and who I am, etc. I’ve gone through the unfortunate process of coming out. I say unfortunate in the sense that I hate that it exists. But that’s another subject. I’ve told a total of 4 people now, and two of those people responded at first by saying: “That’s fine. I’m cool with it. I kind of knew all along, though.” That reply upsets me a lot. It shouldn’t, because it only goes to show how right I am in discovering this about myself. But it does. It sort of ruins the image I had in my mind of being able to fly under some people’s gaydar. I thought I was pretty good at hiding it. The fact someone else guessed it, just means I wasn’t the good at hiding it. Does anyone else feel like this?
I don't they guessed it as much as when you admit to being Bi, They start to see the "connections", And suspicions they would've had with anyone else suddenly become more "real"! So I wouldn't take this as an insult, But maybe rather a feeble attempt on their part to show you they've cared for you, Even if they did think you were of another sexuality that isn't always so accepted! Hope it goes well!
A lot of people like to pretend they are smarter and more perceptive than they really are. Me too. Don't be upset about it; they probably aren't.
A lot of the time, I suspect that they don't actually know. They just don't know any other way to react to the news and the first thing that comes to mind it "oh I knew that".
For a long time I was deathly afraid that I set off everyone's gaydar. This is when I was deeply in a closet full of anxiety and self-loathing. Now if someone were to tell me that they had a feeling I wasn't straight I'd be fine, because they were my friend even though they suspected it.
I have had people come out to me that I was pretty sure I knew. It's a relief when it's out because you don't want to out someone before they're ready and presume they want to be out at all. I see your point though, we all want our privacy and share what and with whom on our terms.
I wouldn't go as far to say that most people aren't perceptive enough to know as that is very presumptuous, rather many people simply aren't as good at hiding it as they believe they are. It can be difficult to pick out someone who is fine with their sexuality, but doesn't share it with everyone; however, its far easier to pick out someone who is actively trying to hide it. It's no different than with a crush. If you nonchalantly deny it, most people are going to take your word for it. Though if you get defensive and paranoid, people are going to be more inclined to believe that there is something more to it. The fact is that there are really only two types of people who are going to go out of their way to convince those around them that they're heterosexual: homophobes and closeted homosexuals. If you aren't the former than chances are you're the latter. Ironically the better you think you are at hiding and covering up your tracks, the more questions will likely be raised about you.
LOL, I kind of have the same reaction. Like my coming out isn't a murder mystery that people ned to pretend that they figured out all along.
The two people who I came out to basically openly assumed that I was and kept perpetually asking until I finally gave in. Was I mad? Well, no, not at them, but I was mad at myself for apparently being so obvious, and it truly scares the hell out of me since I'm still not at all ready to be out and proud, and would die if certain people found out, but at the same time it was a bit of a relief to have someone know without being shocked and appalled.
Oh, I absolutely feel the same way. I struggled (and to a certain extend still do) struggle with my sexuality. Coming out is really hard. So, when I finally build up the courage to share this people people and they say "Oh, I knew." it does upset me. It's like they can't know because sometimes I still don't completely know. It's so passive and I feel like it undermines what I've gone through to come out to myself and to others.
When I came to the conclusion that I was Demi, I didn't tell anyone but a select few people at my university. But one day I making a post in the Universities Pride facebook page and my sister messaged me and asked if I was Ace and I said yea, and she I knew it. I was kinda upset when she said that. Mind you I had been in a 2hr long facebook debacle, just prior to this, so I was still working through everything that happened. It took me about two days to work through that debacle, but that is neither here nor there. I asked her why she never said anything before hand, and she I was in Narnia. I mean it is not a bad thing that she knows, but she could have said something sooner. I might not have believed her, but the whole I knew it part upset me.
Well, what is the advice we give to people when they find out a person is gay, bi, etc. and want to know if they should confront them about it? Well tell them to wait and let the person come out to them. So maybe people are just waiting for us to tell them. When I told one of my friends, he already knew. I took it as reassurance that he was okay with it, because it was like him telling me "I've known all this time and I'm still you're friend." I also was afraid he wouldn't believe because I don't fit any of the gay stereotypes. I will say this, I'm pretty sure when someone does say it, they're just trying to make us feel better or make us feel more accepted. That's my take at least.
