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Need to get out this closet - a little scared?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Confuse, Nov 28, 2013.

  1. Confuse

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Thanks in advance for reading!

    So like many others on here I'm having trouble with the whole coming out to family and friends and even more so work colleagues. Thing is I've known since starting college I am bisexual but mainly being in relationships with guys, it has never prompted me to come out before now. During college I had a brief fling with a female however shortly after that I ended up in a long term relationship with a guy which lasted until second year of university.

    Friends I've made in Uni think I'm straight knowing me in a relationship with a guy, and I started volunteering at the place where I work full time whilst at Uni so they also think I'm straight.

    I want to explore my sexuality with females now and I'm finding it very difficult. The majority of my friends are straight and I've recently come out to one close friend, she was very shocked but supportive. I found it hard coming out to her but knew she would be supportive. I really don't know how my other friends will react as I know they don't suspect it whatsoever.

    Another point is I've been speaking with a lesbian female who I'm very attracted to and really like as a person, I know the feelings mutual. We met online and it always plays on my mind if anything was to go further then it's more pressure to come out. I think it's work colleagues finding out that is refraining me from coming out more so. I know they aren't homophobic but when I first started they joked about me being a lesbian (can't remember why) and I denied it, I wish I would've just come out then it would've been a lot easier!!!

    Any advice is much appreciated!!
     
  2. BookDragon

    Full Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Cambridge, UK
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Do you know the orientation of every person you work with? I mean know it for certain, not just assume. When did they all tell you?

    If you want to explore, explore. The decision to make is if it really matters if people find out on their own or if you tell them in advance. Family I can understand, you want to give them the heads up. Friends...yeah probably, because you spend time with them and you want them to be supportive if you bring over a new girlfriend. Coworkers? I never understood this...why do they even need to know unless they are being rude about it? That's just me though, if you feel they have a right to know that is entirely your call.

    As for the how...friends...just slip it in to conversation, next time you find yourself talking about sex. "Oh she's TOTALLY cute. I would *wink wink nudge nudge*" ... you know, or you could be more subtle! Don;t make a big thing of it. Realisitcally, you don't want them thinking it's this massive world changing event, do you? I personally would far rather have "Oh right, fair enough" than "Holy merciful crap...YOU are a LESBIAN!? OMG OMG OMG so who do you fancy? Is it Brenda? I bet its Daisy? Kaitlin? NOT KAITLIN?! OMG!"

    Family. Tell them straight. Doesn't change you. All you are doing is saying 'be aware, I might come back with a girlfriend, don't be a dick about it!'.