Something's not right....

I started opening up to a handful of people that I might be gay. One is an openly gay friend who I was just away with last weekend. He suggested we go to a gay bar while we're away ( I immediately regretted coming out as "gay" because it didn't feel right).

I'm a girl by the way, 21.

It took me a LOOOOOOONNNNGGGGG time to accept the possibility I am probably a lesbian ( I couldn't even use that word before to describe myself). Lots of back and forths, lots of torment and mental torture. I went days where I didn't do anything but question my sexuality. Literally spends day s reasearching google.

I think I felt more afraid of the label "lesbian" and I think I spent most of my time trying to overcome that fear and educate myself that lesbians are just like everyone ( even though I thought I was accepting and knew all this, I wasn't ever open to the idea of accepting that I could ever be a lesbian ).

Now, I remedied the situation with my friend and came out again as "bi" ( or half-stepped back into the closet ... i can't tell ). He said the way to determine is by your porn preference.

I would favour lesbian porn, but I also like straight, and gay porn and I can pretty much get off to anything. and with porn I get impatient and finish myself off usually before the main act. I just use it to do the deed - i don't fantasize about the people in the porn. In general I don't really fantasize at all unless it's romantic and then I fantasize about men I like. I also read that men and women's sexuality are wired differently so while a straight guy will be turned off by gay porn, women in general are aroused by any erotic imagery.

Also, I don't feel comfortable getting physical with a real life women, or persuing a woman that way, yet anyway. But I know that I'm definitely not straight. And I do like certain guys, and while I am not a very openly sexualy person ( i'm modest and shy ), I find it hard to find guys I do fancy, and when I do I am terrified of mucking it up, and if I get with a guy I like I become blind to every other guy on the planet. But I am still very drawn to women as in I just find it easier to be around them, but I am not thinking sexually of them. They are just more approachable. So I think bi feels right, I'm not using it as a stepping stone, I think I genuinely am attracted to both and I know I want to have sex with men and I want to be friends with certain women ( with the possibility of being more than friends maybe... ). I just cannot seem to embrace my sexuality or be comfortable with any label.:bang::bang::bang::bang::bang:

 

Thank you! It's soo frustrating! It literally changes everyday/moment/anytime I am in contact with attractive people

I hope you figure this out too, and I hope it's not like this for too long also I adore your orientation status. Best one I've seen so far :L