I told my mom last night that I am gay. She knew something was bothering me and she kept prying. She told me I shouldn't be so depressed because I have such a good life. My parents and their friends including myself had been drinking and I just couldn't bring myself into a good mood so I stayed in my room alone for a few hours. She kept coming in and asking if I was okay to which I replied yea. Anyway... They finally got me out of my room and we had a good time. Until everyone went to bed and my mom wanted to talk. Again she asked what was wrong. She knew something was up and even told me it took her a really long time to tell my grandmother she was pregnant. So I thought she knew it was something really serious. I told her I loved her and she said she loved me too and I asked that she wouldn't share what I'm about to tell her with anyone. And she promised. I told her it wasn't her fault and that I can't change it. I asked if she pinky promised and I started to cry. That's when I said mom I'm gay. She seemed really thrown off by it. We hugged and she told me about her friend who has a daughter that just married to a woman. She asked me how long I knew etc... She told me she loved me but she had to get to bed. I really didn't want her to go to bed feeling this way but I couldn't get her to stay up longer so I said goodnight. We both pretty much slept all day today. Finally at 4 when my stepdad and his friend went out hunting I decided I should probably get out of bed and she did too. But now everything is really awkward. She asked why I couldn't just be normal. She said "josh (my brother) has schizophrenia. Why are both my kids fucked up" this really hurt. She thinks god has some grudge against her and I'm really scared she won't accept me. She told me she thinks I just need to go on a date with a girl. I don't know whether to give her space or keep trying to talk to her. I told her about the familyacceptance website and she said she wasn't ready.
Say what I will say to my mum - You know when you said you loved me the other night? What's changed. You either love me or you don't. This is something that is very central in my life. You can't pick and choose which bits of me you love and which bits you don't.
Hi there! First off, it took a tremendous amount of courage to speak with your mom, and to come out. Try not to forget that, in understanding your mom's reaction and thoughts about it. (*hug*) In accepting that you are gay, your mom has started to go through the stages associated with grief/loss. It seems that she is at stages of denial and anger, where a part of her doesn't want to believe that you came out to her (just yet). She is angry, but it is not directed at you, or at your brother. I'm sure that your mom is going to come around and be supportive. She already said the most important things: that she loves you. And that in turn will allow her to move through the next stages of grief/loss. Parents have their own ideas and dreams as to what their child's life is going to look like. When they realize that the dreams and ideas that they had don't fit anymore, they need to re-adjust them, and that process can take a bit of time. Give her space, and allow her to become ready to have a read through the website. Continue to be yourself around your mom, that will help as well. Seeing you continuing to be the same person that you were before you came out, will help her to understand that nothing has really changed and that her dreams for you can still come true.
