My parents are super religious (dad's clergy) and I just can't talk to them about anything personal without going practically mute from fear. They are very simple, rigid people, and hard to read, so I don't know if telling them I no longer believe in their religion and that I accept and embrace my homosexuality (yes, they already know) will result in me getting kicked out of the house, or just having to suffer loads of emotional crap. I don't do well with highly emotional environments, in fact I feel almost sick from what happened tonight. Tonight I felt so frustrated and lonely that I tried to talk, to just tell them how I felt. I wasn't even going to broach the subject of being gay, just to let them know that I wasn't playing along anymore with their faith. Then I got so scared I totally blew the opportunity and let it fizzle out in uncomfortable silence. I don't know if there's any advice that can help me, I guess I just want to ask: is it better to confront it all now than to risk letting our relationship go stale once I'm out on my own? Am I just so scared that I'm turning them into vilains in my mind and underestimating their love for me?
I'm going to ask a different question. If you read this and still think you need to 'come out' to them about your religious views, I'll still be absolutely supportive and offer my advice. -- Why do you have to tell them? Can't you can have your own opinion, and they their own? If this isn't the case for your family, I'm sorry, but doesn't religion play a minuscule part in family interactions, like hanging out/eating meals together/talking? I just think a lot of drama could be avoided by you not making a big deal of this, and just having your own opinion. I grew up in a really understanding household - perhaps I don't understand how it is with your family. Just thinking outside the box. Hope this inspires some thought.
Hey TJ, thanks for the advice. It has helped me to get some perspective here, although unfortunately making my views clear to my parents is necessary as long as I'm living with them. Their faith is totally involved, and if I don't actively participate it becomes a problem. So I really have no choice. On the bright side, I managed to open up to my sister last night and it came out that my parents were just as afraid to talk to me as I was to them. She seems to think they are more afraid of losing our relationship than anything else, so just maybe things aren't as desperate for me as I thought... But I guess we'll see. It makes me so happy to know that there are good people out there who encourage their kids to be who they are. At 23, I feel like I've wasted so many years in fear and confusion, and I'm only just now figuring out who I am and what I want. And I'm still so far from getting to a good place. I feel like I should apologize for all the negativity in my post! But I want to thank you and everyone else who takes the time to help. You guys are amazing!
You have already identified the first step in solving your problem; move out! Better to split an apartment rent with several other people your age who are comfortable with your orientation and religious views (or lack thereof) than to live in a nice free home that is very uncomfortable and obviously causing you distress. Some distance will allow the differences to fade away, and your parents to appreciate you more when you visit them; the knowledge that their rigidness and religion drove you away from them will not be lost on them unless they are totally clueless, so it might make them more careful about being outspoken about their views when you do visit. Instead of enumerating reasons why you can't leave your parents' home, start thinking and working on what you need to do to accomplish it. At 23, you are ready to fly like an eagle, not be grounded by fear.
