This past weekend I have spent a lot of time with friends and family. And of course it the question about my love life comes up. I answered by saying how I really felt. That I knew that I know that I couldn't be with a man. (Before this I was in a relationship with another women for 7 years and ended that relationship because I thought that I could be with a man but I couldn't) My family has a very strong religious back ground so they have their own point of views on this. And I have always respected that. And most of the time I don't let commits bother me. But one of my family members says " It is ok that I am lesbian." (I thought that there was some support until the 2nd part of her commit came). "It's just not ok to act on it ". That commit really hit me hard and it hurt a lot. I felt like I was being told that I am not allowed to love or to be loved or to even be me. I did ask myself why do I feel it important that I am not hiding who I am. Because honestly sometimes I am walking away hurt. But I do realize that if I am not honest with the people in my life I will always be hiding. I always afraid that someone will find out and I will have no control over that. And I would have to hide and deny a part of me. So for just those reasons I do feel that I need to be honest. I am wondering if being out is important to you and if so why?
I'm not out publicly, just to a few people. But just the act of telling a few people was so liberating because it meant I could stop feeling like I was carrying the weight alone, and that I had finally realized that I'm still the same person I've always been and if it makes my relationships with people a bit awkward for awhile then it's worth the feeling of liberation.
Being out is everything! It's about integrity, honesty, openness, freedom, peace, love, community, solidarity...being out is empowerment and dignity...and pride. It's not just important to me, it's important for society...for everyone, whether straight or not, to know that we won't hide anymore, that we've always been there, that we're no longer that "dirty" little secret...no longer ashamed of who we are.
Right now the only people who know are one rather close friend (who coincidentally I've never in-person met), and four other guys I attended training with and knew for only 4 months, one of which I was actually sexually involved with (and incidentally I'm insanely attached to at the moment). I can say though that telling these people was at first met with serious apprehension and terror on my part, but that quickly faded when they were cool with it and we all joked about it. For me, telling someone is very liberating because it is a pretty integral part of your being and while I personally believe that me wanting to be with other guys is really my business, it stops being such an elephant when someone knows about it. For me I think it's harder to tell someone I've known for so long, like for example my family. I just can't imagine telling people like that. I think it's easier with strangers. So I guess it is on one hand important to me because I feel like while it is my personal business, it's nice to be able to talk about it or at least not try to skirt the issue. On the other hand, I can't fathom telling close people like my family and honestly don't see why it would be their business so being 'out' to them doesn't strike me as important, although maybe that's because it is intimidating. Tough question when I think about it.
It means a lot for me to not be in the closet any more, and to be able to be authentic when I talk about my life and experiences. I'm a radio presenter, it would be incredibly tough to never talk about dating or anything like that.
Im SO glad im out to those important to me...no more guilt, shame ---------- Post added 1st Dec 2013 at 10:26 PM ---------- Im so glad im out no more guilt or shame.
Misty, that last paragraph of yours is exactly how I feel and it's the reason I'm planing on coming out to my parents this week. I want to be open and honest, and have experienced how great and how much of a relief it can be telling others, but I don't want to not be in control of how my closest family find out. If you feel like you need to be honest then I'd say go for it. You can then choose what else you want to tell them based on how you feel and their beliefs.
My family left me questioning also. But by coming out my identity has changed I now feel like one of God's children, no matter what the faith being accepting of our gay selves provides us with moral strength. Don't let your family bring you down. I've told my family, and decided to look elsewhere for moral support. Being gay effects all of my personality strengths and weaknesses, it effects the way I read and write, the way I eat, and the way I see others in my life. If your like me maybe approval from your family isn't that important, but it's still good to let them know that there is a difference between your life and theirs.
It isn't as important to me from a sexual standpoint, due to my age, but it is important to be able to represent myself honestly and openly to both straight and gay people, which is the only reason why I am considering coming out at my late age. I don't expect to have torrid affairs nor do I want to leave my wife for someone else, even though I appreciate hot males more than hot women. What I really want is for the whole world to recognize that this is really no big 'effing deal. We should be able to like who we want to like, and love who we want to love, without anyone else sticking their personal or religious dogmatic opinions into it. And the laws should reflect the fact that everyone should be treated equally, without regard to their gender or gender orientation. We need to heterosexually interact to reproduce, but that should be the extent of nature on nurture and public policy. Picking out someone we want to live with should be a matter of individual choice, not one dictated by the state under the influence of religion via politics. That is why we have a Constitution, and it says "equal rights before the law" for everyone, not just for heterosexuals. That is why "being out" is important to me, because it is synonymous with "being free". ______________________ If you want to be out, come out If you want to stay in, feel free There's a million things you can be You know what you are
